Did I Digress?

What Was I Thinking?

2011-11-15T16:17:00.001-08:00

There is a forum on NaNoWriMo entittled: NaNoWriMo Ate My Soul!

I feel very at home on that forum and have been spending a lot of time there (time I should be spending on my novel).

Nevertheless, I love reading about other people who are in the same miserable boat as I am, watching the water, empty of words, fill my boat until I'm barely afloat.

I've seriously considered throwing in the towel. Or, even worse, pretending to have written in order to keep up appearances. After all, who would know?

But, no, I'm behind, plain and simple. And every attempt to catch up has been thwarted.

I have been doing fairly well on my Art Every Day challenge. So far, I've posted every day. Some days what I've posted I would call "crap", but, hey, at least I posted.

Oh, well.

Fifteen more days to go until this crazy creative month is over.

We'll see what happens...

The Eye of Betrayal

2011-10-14T12:35:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, I somehow scratched my right eye.

Now, I didn’t know this until Monday morning when I woke up with my eye screaming at me.

Ms. Right Eye was NOT a happy camper.

In fact, when I went to put in my contact, she threw a fit and refused to cooperate. She turned red-er and leaky-er (and gross-er). And then the skin around her (to show solidarity, I think) grew puffy and pink.

It was not a pretty sight! (Not that I could see it really well.)

So, that led to no work on Monday (which should have been “yay!” but because of the eye sitch was more of a “boo… my eye hurts… I’ll just sleep in sadness…”)

And it’s also made me wear my glasses this whole week.

And that fact has led me to this post, because you would think that switching from contacts to glasses would be no big deal, especially since it’s the same prescription.

But you would be wrong, my friends. Very wrong!

Here is a small list of things I’ve had to deal with as I’ve worn glasses this week to show you WHY I HATE GLASSES AND THINK THEY’RE DUMB (aside from giving me the gift of sight, which is awesome):

1) They make me feel like I’m walking slightly uphill (everywhere I go) (even when I know I’m going downhill).

2) They make things look smaller than I know they are.

3) They make things look farther away than I know they are.

4) They mess with my depth perception (see points 1, 2 and 3).

5) They make me hit myself in the face when blow-drying my hair (twice) (see points 3 and 4).

6) They limit my peripheral vision and make me have to turn my head (when I remember in time, which is never).

7) They make me get honked at while driving (see points 2, 3, 4, and especially 6).

8) They make me almost die while driving (see points 2, 3, 4, 6, and 7).

9) They make my eyes ache.

10) They give me a headache EVERY DAY!!! (see point 9).

11) They make me go home and sit in a stupor because I don’t know what to do with myself (see points 9 and 10).

12) They give me an excuse not to try to do anything after work because I can’t see properly, anyway (see points 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9, 10, and 11).

13) They make me go to sleep earlier than normal (and then lie there, pining for accurate vision) (see points 9, 10, 11, and 12)

14) They make me feel like a loser because I’ve done ABSOLUTELY nothing all week: no reading, no writing, no painting, no meeting with friends, no after work adventures, no nothing!

Tomorrow, Saturday, I’m going to try my contacts again because I have a lot of catching up to do (the next step on a new painting; writing for my writing group deadline on Monday; reading, sweet reading; etc.)

Please pray for me.

I mean it. Please!!!! Pretty please!!!!!!

I can’t handle my glasses anymore*.

*I know you’re thinking “Sounds like you need new glasses, Liz.” And you’re probably right. But, honestly, ever since I switched to wearing contacts 15+ years ago, wearing glasses always creates these side-effects for me. Always. It’s very disappointing, because fashion wise, there are such cute glasses!

Psst...

2011-09-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

Hi.

I don't know how often I'll be posting on this blog in the next few months because most of my attention is on The Artist's Way journey I'm documenting on my other blog.

Frankly, it's consuming most of my "blogging" time. And since I'm not a good multi-tasker, I keep forgetting that I have this blog.

So, check over there if this blog seems deserted.

P. S. But, I'll probably keep updating the books I'm reading on the sidebar of this blog. (That is, when I remember I have this blog.) So, there is that.

A Letter to Myself

2011-09-15T12:07:00.000-07:00

First, let me preface by saying that I ~~(sometimes)~~ ~~(often)~~ (all the time) separate myself into different categories when thinking or speaking about myself. (And yes, I know this seems a bit loony.) For example, there’s Past Liz, Present Liz, and Future Liz; there’s Work-Week Liz, Weekend Liz, and Vacation Liz; there’s Business Liz, Leisure Liz, Party Liz, and Party-Avoidance Liz; and there’s Morning Liz, Day Liz, and Night Liz. Just to name a few…

Now, with that explanation out of the way, here’s a letter Morning Liz recently (as in today) composed for Night Liz:

Dear Night Liz,

I’ll be brief since you have the attention span of a gnat on dope.

You’re killing me! Really. You are.

Do you have any regard for how early I have to get up?

Do you think I like rushing around in the morning because I hit snooze one too many times?

Do you know what it’s like to wake up already exhausted?

Of course you don’t! You leave that all for me to deal with.

And I’m really starting to hate you for it. A deep, passionate, loathsome hate.

So please, I beg of you, keep this in mind tonight when you think of starting French lessons at 10:00pm, or that 11:45pm is the perfect time to begin a puzzle.

If you don’t, I’ve already talked to Mid-Afternoon Liz, and she’s fully prepared to take a sleeping pill or two in order to avoid you all together.

Heed my warning!

Curtly,

Morning Liz

P.S. Don’t be surprised if you get a letter from Day Liz. She also has a bone to pick with you.

Calling London

2011-08-31T09:10:00.000-07:00

[I wrote this post about a week ago, and then promptly forgot about it. But, since I’m still ruminating over my discomfiture, I decided to post it.]

So, if you know me, you know I hate calling people.

It’s not that I’m afraid they’ll answer. I WANT them the answer.

What causes me distress (and possibly night terrors) is the fear that they won’t answer, which then means I’ll have to leave them a message. (Or hang up, as I’ve been known to do. Sorry.)

You see, I leave THE WORST MESSAGES IN THE WORLD! (And by worst, I mean messages that embarrass me.)

For some reason, as soon as I hear the BEEEEEEEP, I become the most long-winded, rambling, idiotic person on earth. And before I know it, instead of asking what I called for, like, “What time does the movie start?” I have opined on the state of the union, mentioned that the last mixtape I made had the song “Together Forever” on it, revealed how I wish my five-year plan included being a busker, and questioned the validity of calling something that squirts out of a can “cheese.”

Needless to say, anytime I have to make a phone call to someone who doesn’t know me (and won’t find my three-minute pontifications endearing), I write down what to say in case I must leave a message.

This is what I should have done when I recently called my favorite bookstore, Slightly Foxed Books,* in London (I have never been to this bookshop, but fantasize about it in inappropriate quantities).

Smartly, I did come up with things that IABSOLUTELYMUSTNOTMENTION, such as:

1) Some of my English ancestors came over as indentured servants and maybe that’s why I abhor participating in manual labor,

2) How it was okay that they (the English) lost the war (Revolutionary), because it all worked out in the end with multiple holidays to celebrate for all, and

3) That I easily fall into an English accent whenever I watch (or think about) Pride and Prejudice, or North and South, and would they like to hear it, and could they give me tips on making it more believable?

Connected to this, I also warned myself that I should NOT use an English accent while leaving the message (wanted to), and that I should also NOT include any English-y words that I love but that we don’t really use in America, like: barrister, nutter, posh, gobsmacked , daft, petrol, knackered, and lorry etc.

Thankfully, I did not say/do any of these things.

But, here’s what I did say (to the best of my recollection (which is pretty good since I’ve been obsessing about it ever since)) after I heard their “Leave a message” message (which was said in the most beautiful Female English accent and sounded very posh):

“Oh my gosh, I got through! I’m calling London! Hi! I’m Liz! Elizabeth Wolfe! From America! The U. S. A.! I ordered books from you! And I was told to call and leave a message authorizing payment! So, I’m calling! My name is Elizabeth Wolfe! W. O. L. F. E.! I don’t know my order number! Dang it! Where’s my paper!? [Long pause while looking for receipt] Okay! I ordered three books! The names are… [Long pause while finding the names of the books only to realize that I wasn’t sure how to pronounce the first title (I couldn’t remember if the “s” in Libris, as in “Ex Libris” was silent. (It’s not.)) So not wanting to sound stupid (too late) I say the following…] Well, they’re books! [Insert embarrassing giggle] Of course they’re books! You’re a bookstore! [Awkward snort] I’m sorry! I’m flabbergasted!**** Again, my name is Elizabeth Wolfe! I think I already mentioned that! And my number is [gave them my number faster than the speed of light]. Thank you for all that you do! I love your book review!”

When I got off the phone, I immediately went and told my sisters that I shamed America.

And in case you’re wondering, the exclamation points are intentional because I feel like I spoke in excited tones the entire message.

Also, in case you’re wondering, do you know how much it costs to call London? I do. The first minute cost me $3.10, and the next two minutes cost $5.78. Three-minute rambling call = $8.88

Lesson learned.

Always write down your messages Liz! Elizabeth Wolfe! From America! The U. S. A.!

[Sigh.]

*Why is this my favorite bookstore (aside from the fact that I’m an Anglophile)? Because they publish a fabulous, and I mean FABULOUS, quarterly magazine. Anyone who puts out such a wonderful book review can only be awesome, and worthy of my esteem.**

** When I finally go to England [gazing at the heavens in silent prayer and oblations], Slightly Foxed is on my list of MUSTS, right under Stonehenge. ***

***If you ever go to London, and visit Slightly Foxed Books, please only tell me that it’s wonderful and magical and dazzling! Don’t tell me that it’s just a regular bookstore, with regular books, and regular people. I’ll be crushed. Let me have my fantasies.

****In the back of my mind, I feel like I said the word lambasted, instead of flabbergasted. But, since I meant to say flummoxed, instead of flabbergasted in the first place, I’m just pretending that the whole thing didn’t happen.

And So It Begins…

2011-08-29T11:18:00.000-07:00

Follow my Artist’s Way journey here and spark your creativity!

And stay tuned on this blog for more zany adventures…

Well, maybe not zany, or particularly adventuresome, but definitely something that happened or occured to me (or someone I know) at some point in time that might be low to moderately interesting.

Does that sound exciting?

Hrumph.

I’m already bored.

A Creative Endeavor, Cont'd

2011-08-25T10:31:00.000-07:00

.....There on my bookcase, partially blocked by my miniature replica of Westminster Abbey, was a book I had purchased years before and had half-heartedly attempted to follow.

But, now, I knew I was ready! So, I went to the bookcase and pulled out The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.

Do you have this book? Have you heard of it?

You probably have. It’s sold over a million copies.

But, in case you haven’t, here’s the gist:

Only you can remove your creative blocks. You remove them by tapping into the creative power of the Creator/Universe/God/Zeitgeist/however you define it.

These blocks prevent you from not only creating art as society has come to define it (like painting, writing, singing, dancing, etc), but they also block you from living more creative daily (like figuring out a solution to a work issue, or developing fuller and fun-er relationships).

Creativity can heal you, and heal those around you. And tuning in to your creativity can change how you view your world, making each day more exciting. (And who doesn’t want that?!)

And The Artist’s Way helps you challenge your blocks and break through them!

Now, before you say, “But, um, I’m not creative”, you need to remember that creativity is our birthright, and in every one of us. So, while you may not be writing a novel or painting your family portrait, you’re probably choosing what you wear each day (and accessorizing), or making up a story for your child, or coming up with a new way to spice up your spaghetti sauce, or changing the layout of your living room, or re-telling an incident that occurred at work (with gestures and voices). THAT IS CREATIVITY!!!

One of my favorite quotes from her book is “[A]s we are creative beings, our lives become our artwork” (Cameron, p. xxvi).

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never thought about my life as being my artwork! What an inspiring idea! And I’m ready for the challenge to make it more colorful.

Are you?

The Artist’s Way is a 12 week course. And Julia (I’m going to call her by her first name because it sounds like we’re friends) makes two requests that must be fulfilled during the 3 months:

1) You must write three pages, first thing every morning. This she calls “Morning Pages.” You are not to show these pages to anyone and you are to write whatever comes to mind (even if nothing comes to mind). Ramble away!

2) You must have a weekly “Artist’s Date.” This date should be between 1 to 2 hours long and should be done solo. It doesn’t have to cost anything, but it should delight you!

Both of these things are going to be tough for me because:

1) I’m not a morning person. So waking up earlier, just to write poorly, is going to be a challenge.

2) While I don’t mind going places or doing things by myself, I’m not so good at following through when I’m not held accountable by others (especially when my pajamas are calling my name).

But, I’m going to do it. There’s a contract in the book and I’m going to sign it!

Now, along with these two requirements, she has weekly exercises to pick and choose from. Julia suggests you pick the ones that make you the most uncomfortable. So, that’s what I’m going to do.

At this point, if you’re still reading, you might be asking yourself “Why are you telling me all this?”

Good question.

To be honest, I wasn’t going to mention it. It was just going to be something I did for myself, by myself. But last week, as I was discussing this book and it’s concepts with my friend, Taryn, she suggested that I should blog about it, and that perhaps it might inspire someone else to try something creative. And she’s absolutely right! (Plus, it helps me with accountability. Bonus!)

So, if you’re interested, I’m starting next week (on Monday, of course). I’ll being posting about the exercises I choose, the struggles I have, the discoveries I make, and my weekly Artist Date. My plan is to post all this on my sad, lonely, and forgotten blog. (I want to leave this blog open for all my other witty thoughts…..… [crickets chirping]……… [hollow wind blowing]……… [……….]………)

If you want to try this with me, great! I would love for you to share this journey with me.

But, more than that, I hope you realize that you have the option of injecting creativity into your life any time you choose.

Choose now!

A Creative Endeavor

2011-08-23T13:55:00.000-07:00

Let me ask you a question:

How creative is your life?

Very? Not very? Huh?

Now, let me ask you a slightly different question:

How creative are YOU in your life?

A little? A lot? What?

Okay, let me ask you a third question:

Would you like more, and to be more, of it? (Creative, that is.)

Yes? No? Maybe?

Now, let me tell you why I’m asking.

Before I started Grad school two years ago, I was dabbling in creative things. I was working on my mixed media art, I was taking online art workshops, I had started a blog about my poetry/fiction writing, and I was frequenting dozens of creative blogs for inspiration and community.

But, then, I started school.

And with that, everything else “superfluous” took a back seat (or in some cases, was dropped off at my parent’s house, never to be seen again.)

That’s how it remained from August of 2009 through June of 2011 when I graduated. (Hooray!)

But instead of falling back into my creative endeavors, I did the opposite.

Now, yes, a break was needed. So, I told myself that it was perfectly fine to take a few weeks to decompress from the stress of it all. (And by decompress, I mean sit around doing nothing but watching TV in my pajamas. (And I may or may not have put on said pajamas as soon as I got home from work. (What?)))

After about a month, though, I realized that while I felt much more relaxed due to my nightly three-hour pajama-wearing TV time, I was slowly turning into a lifeless person with nothing to talk about but what so-in-so did on such-and-such TV show*. I had nothing to say about my actual life. (Except that work was fine, but busy.)

With that startling (and depressing) realization, I’ve been on a search for other things to occupy my time, and actually help me to improve my skills and interests as a person.

Now, don’t get me wrong, TV has taught me a few things that have added to my life, but by its nature, TV is passive. I observe. I don’t engage. But what I realized I was longing for was improvement by doing, by taking action, by living!

After this epiphany, I started setting parameters (because that’s how I am). I wanted to do something that wasn’t too hard, wasn’t too time-consuming (I still have shows to keep up with, after all), and didn’t cost a lot of money.

But, I wanted whatever it was to push me out of my comfort zone, challenge me creatively, and increase my daily joy.

All of this has been marinating in my head for the past month, and it wasn’t until last Monday night as I was contemplating my situation (which might have been while wearing my pajamas and during the commercial break of a well-known gossip show), I looked over to my bookcase and something caught my eye.

Eureka!

TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW BECAUSE THIS POST IS ALREADY WAY TOO LONG…

*Part of my TV viewing was shows on the Documentary Channel. Do you have this? It’s fabulous! Next time you see me, ask me about some of the documentaries I’ve watched. I will regale you with stories about fascinating people: like people who stare at the sun for energy, or the boy who looked for his invisible girlfriend, or the Mountain Talk folk, or what luminaries of our time have to say about forgiveness, or… **

**On second thought, you may not want to ask me. I’ve counted up and in the last three months I’ve watched 27 documentaries. It might be best to keep that door shut.

Guilty or Not Guilty

2011-08-18T15:01:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago, I did my civic duty and sat on a jury for two weeks. It was a criminal case, and it was my first experience as a juror. I can’t tell you all the details yet (most of which are boring) because we were given a court order to not discuss or sell the rights to the story for 90 days after the verdict (really, truly). But, as soon as that time is up, I’m planning on writing a proposal to the Lifetime “Television for Women” network*. (They probably won’t want it as the case was about fraud, and therefore, mind-numbingly dull).

I learned many things from my time in court: about humanity, about justice, and most importantly, about the need for proper footwear.

I compiled a baker’s dozen list for you all, so you can be better prepared for when it’s your turn.

Things I Learned from Sitting on a Jury:

1. They (the court system) let just about anyone sit on a jury.
2. This is terrifying.
3. There were a number of questionable (in intelligence and morality) people on my jury.
4. I do not ever want to be judged by a jury (see #1 and #3).
5. You should not wear flip flops while sitting on a jury.
6. Unless you have a back-up pair of flip flops to change in to when your original pair rips while walking into the courthouse.
7. Or, you should have duct tape in your car (like your dad told you) so that you can make flip flop repairs.
8. The Court security team and scanning process do not flag people who carry an entire roll of duct tape in their purse.
9. This scares me.
10. There are moments when hearing the law read is so boring you lose the will to live.
11. You can really practice your doodling skills while sitting on a jury (and, of course, still pay attention).
12. Judging someone and sending them to jail for a long time is not as fun as it looks on TV.
13. There are a lot of cute police officers.

Heed my advice, folks. (Especially about proper footwear.)

*The title of the made-for-TV movie based on this case would be “A Man of Many Names, but One Love”.

For Hannah

2011-08-12T10:44:00.000-07:00

So, on my last post, Hannah left the most hilarious comment that I decided to use her 4 blog post suggestions.

Here are my responses (in bold):

1) Sometimes when the moon is full and the sky is clear I like to drink a hot chocolate (the spicy Mexican kind) and remember the time I used to not like the spicy Mexican hot chocolate. The year was 2010, I remember it well mostly because it was last year, and I have a fairly good short-term memory, but also because that was when Mark Paul Gosselaar adopted a feathered-haired pastafarian child from Nauru with the help of UNICEF. (Though, I may have him confused with someone else doing something else.) Inspired by this, I embarked on my own adventure to adopt a feathered hairstyle, and then decided to cover up my folly with a pastafarian strainer “hat,” which I went to purchase at Walmart (sponsored by UNICEF). There I witnessed a murder (of human courtesy) in the aisle of a clearance sale over some plastic jewels a young man had stolen by dropping them down the back of his grandmother’s sweatervest, and the ruckus of said murder (of human courtesy) ruined, even further, my poor execution of Farah’s iconic hairstyle. During my harrowing/other-worldly/soul-withering experience, I learned the important life lesson of dance, namely, that it should not be done in the aisle of a clearance sale at Walmart. I laughed, I cried, I contemplated the meaning of life, but most important of all, I wrote it all down for Hannah.

2) If I had to choose between being Grace Kelly or Dolly Parton I would choose Grace Kelly. Obviously it's a tough choice, but ultimately I picked Dolly Parton, because although I initially picked Grace Kelly, who am I kidding! I don’t think I could pull off any of the Grace Kelly-type traits she’s known for, such as, repose, elegance, beauty, femininity, style, or, well, grace. So, I’ll have to go with Dolly Parton. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Dolly doesn’t have any of the same qualities as Grace Kelly, I’m sure she does. But, she can cover up anything she lacks with a banjo and sass. My favorite part about being Dolly Parton, would be gaining free access to her/my amusement park. Having been there, I can say there are A LOT of banjos and sass (and deep-fried goodies and wig shops and overalls and elderly folks).

3) My five favorite things right now are:

Angels

Bacon

Pompoms

Obscure references to Nicola Tesla

Suspenders

My five least favorite things right now are:

Mutton Chops (unless your Wolverine, natch)

Turning left

Obvious references to Nicola Tesla

Unhelpful people trying to be helpful, but making things worse, and then pretending like it wasn’t their fault, but you know that they know that it totally was

Weather

4) Here is a video of a young Irish girl playing the accordion the way I wish I could. I haven't made a video of me yet, because I’m not sure the world is ready for “When the Saints Come Marching In” dirge-style. It might make people chuck themselves off buildings in sadness/repulsion. As soon as I can pick up the tempo, I’ll video it. And then you can try not to be super jealous Hannah. In the meantime, watch the video and practice your jig in preparation of my upcoming performance. That's what I'm doing.

Thanks for these blog post suggestions, Hannah! If anyone else has some for me, leave a comment. I’m desperate for inspiration…

Sister, You Know Me Well…

2011-06-16T09:35:00.000-07:00

A brief conversation I had with my sister last night:

Me: (Entering the living room where Becca is watching TV) Well, I just had an impulse buy. You’ll never guess what it was…

Becca: Was it a musical instrument?

Me: Maybe

Becca: Was it an accordion?

Me: Yes…

Becca: Well, you can’t store it out here. We already had to find a space for your harp and your Bodhran.

Me: Fine, I’ll put the Concertina in my room by my Ukulele.

Was I alive in 2009?

2010-01-20T16:01:00.000-08:00

So, to rally myself, and shake off the “my life is completely devoid of purpose and meaning” funk that I’ve been in the last ~~six~~ eight months, I’ve decided to post the TOP FIVE HIGHLIGHTS OF 2009 to make the year not seem like a waste.

Here they are, in no particular order*:

1. In January, my nephew, Liam, was born! I call him General Lee. Why? It’s not because I’m wishing the Confederates had one the war, or because I’m a big Dukes of Hazard fan, but because he reminds me of the Little Rascals kid, Spanky, who was in a movie called “General Spanky.”** (They both have chubby cheeks on a big round face.) Adorable!***

Take a look for yourself!

Spanky Liam

2. Got my yellow belt in Nunchucks! Granted, I sort of feel it was a pity belting, but I’ll take it! Nunchucks was a blast, and made me realize how much I love to make sound effects when I hit things! (This probably has something to do with being an Aunt to only nephews. I can make car revving sounds, ninja attack sounds, gun firing sounds, subsequent dying sounds, etc. with the best of ‘em!)

3. Went and saw the Dalai Lama. Really, it was quite an amazing experience. So many different people, so many monks, so many incense odors! He was quite funny and personable. And I even took orders to be a lay Buddhist monk.****

4. Started graduate school. It’s killing me, and I hate the homework, but, I do feel glad I have something new to share when people ask me what I’m up to. (Not that I go into detail about it. I mean, who wants to hear about “organizational theory”? No one. Not even me.)

5. Joined an art gallery. This was a major step for me. Just talking to other artists, (whose work actually hangs in a gallery), about my work (that is actually stacked in my closet) was hard. And to even be contemplating submitting it for a show makes me choke on phantom paint fumes.

Okay. So the year wasn’t as bad as I thought. Here’s hoping that 2010 gives me a TOP TEN! (And I hope the same thing for you to!)

*Well, actually they’re in date order. So, I lied.

**I tried to look for a clip of it on Youtube, because it’s a darling little movie. But, I’ve just learned that you really shouldn’t type in anything related to “spanky” on Youtube. Learn from my mistake!

***For next year, I’ll be able to add my new little nephew, Jackson, born just last week! Also, adorable!

****Technically, Becca pointed out that it was just to be a lay Buddhist, but, I liked the monk idea. Better robe options.

Friday Ventalation...

2009-10-09T09:43:00.001-07:00

Q: Liz, what have you been doing the last few months?

A: Nothing.

Q: Liz, what are you going to be doing in the next 10 weeks?

A: 9 papers = 60 pages = 21,000 words

Reading 8 books on various forms of leadership and management (Yippy!)

Digesting and dissecting 37 scholarly articles

Preparing 2 half-hour oral presentations

Enduring 1 group project

Grad school is bad.
Liz very sad.
No fun to be had.

What’s Playing on Your Radio?

2009-07-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

Having been requested to make a post, (even though I have absolutely nothing to say), I’ve decided to make a list of all the bands/singers I don’t like that everyone else on the planet does.

Now, before you read the list, a few disclaimers:

1) This list is not comprehensive. I dislike many more bands, but decided to just stick with 10 so I don’t completely alienate my friends.

2) There is probably at least ONE song from each that I DO like. I just can’t think of it right now.

3) I have no idea why I don’t like them. I just don’t. Maybe it’s me? Maybe it’s them? It’s a mystery.

4) This list is in no particular order. Just wrote it as they came to me.

5) Please still be my friend.

With that, here’s my list for “BANDS OR SINGERS THAT I DON’T LIKE AND WILL CHANGE THE RADIO STATION ON IF THEIR SONGS ARE PLAYED”

1. Matchbox 20

2. Dave Matthews Band

3. Maroon 5

4. John Mayer

5. Jason Mraz

6. Red Hot Chili Peppers

7. Jack Johnson

8. Pearl Jam

9.Bon Jovi

10. Lenny Kravitz

There you go!*

Now, if this doesn’t prove that I have nothing to talk about…

*Please still be my friend.

Liz? Are you there?

2009-06-24T15:39:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not.

I'm feeling done with the whole blog thing. And Facebook*. And Myspace**. Etc.

I'm only having small thoughts, now. Enough for a Twitter*** post or two.

And even that's a stretch...

*I've never really participated in this.

**Or this.

*** And I have very particular thoughts on what should be a Twitter post. Is it funny? Weird? Witty? Insightful? Strange? Then post about it.

On My Walk Today…

2009-06-01T10:59:00.000-07:00

Jehovah’s Witnesses!

Hurray! The best walk ever!!*

*And I mean this sincerely. If you know me, you know there is nothing I like better than a good Jesus discussion, especially when said discussion is from good people trying to save my soul**! I was only sad that I couldn’t chat with them more, but I was on a break and had to get back to work…

**This reminds me of a post I've been meaning to blog about: my TV pastor! Cause I have one, and I watch him every Sunday. And I've even ordered his book and am on his one month program! I've got a bracelet to prove it and everything!***

***Don't worry, I'm not converting. I'm just trying to understand how people believe what they believe (or don't believe, for that matter). This gives me something to think about when I'm in nursery...

Q: How Big is a Mini Fridge?

2009-05-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

A: Not as big as Mary Poppins’ purse. (Despite what my co-workers think.)

____________

So, at my office we have a mini fridge. You know, to hold our lunch. Or maybe an afternoon snack.

But, some of my co-workers get confused by this, and think that it’s for their entire weekly groceries. I mean, why hassle making a sandwich to bring to work, if you can store everything needed to make a sandwich at the office?

This irritates me greatly.

All I want to do is place my DAILY lunch in the fridge, and I have to smash it in there because a co-worker bozo has decided to store an entire glazed ham.

Don’t believe me?

Here are just some of the things I’ve found in the fridge*, hogging up precious space:

1. A gallon of milk
2. 3 heads of lettuce
3. 12 pack of burritos
4. 8 apples
5. A week’s worth of frozen meals
6. A loaf of bread
7. A whole Rotisserie chicken
8. A watermelon
9. A gallon of orange juice
10. 5 lbs. of pasta salad

I tell you, if tomorrow comes, and I can't fit in my PB&J, I’m going to have a Nervy B.**!!!

*Not that I’m keeping track, or anything, out of bitterness…

**Nervous breakdown. Any Georgia fans out there?

How did your day start?

2009-05-15T10:29:00.000-07:00

Here’s the 10 step process for mine, in case you want to repeat it (and forewarning, it includes a bad word, and I mean a real one, not like “d*mn” or “h*ll” which are mild four-letter words by comparison. But, I had to include it because it’s a direct quote.):

1. Hit snooze 7 times. (Yes, 7. I know, that’s ridiculous. I’m actually only supposed to hit it 5 times (still ridiculous) which leads to my problem this morning.)

2. Wake up and realize that I’m 20 minutes late because of extra snoozing. (Really, 18 minutes late. Which reminds me: Why is snooze only 9 minutes? Do they think we need a minute to realize what the beeping* is and shut it off?

3. Run around like a wacko trying to get ready.

4. Leave my apartment and drive away while forgetting a) my breakfast I had premade, b) my lunch I had premade, and c) my purse. (Got my keys, though!)

5. Rush to work in a panic (while still observing most of the traffic laws) because I’m late and have an 8am meeting. (I mean, really, who has an 8am meeting on a Friday? That should be against the code of work ethics or something.)

6. Park and get out of my car at 7:59am. (This is also when I realize that I’ve forgotten my purse.)

7. Walk briskly to my building.

8. Get pooped on by a bird, but not notice it.

9. Enter my office, see my boss give me a funny look, think it’s about being late, say “I know I’m late, you would not believe my morning.” And hear her response “Well, if it’s anything like the sh*t you have on your shirt, it must have been bad.”

10. Endure being laughed at by other meeting attendees while I explain why I have a wet spot on my shirt and apologize for being 15 minutes late.

*I actually don’t wake to beeping. I can’t stand that! I wake to the sound of ocean waves which I can hear despite wearing earplugs and having 3 fans on in my room**.

** Have I mentioned that I’m a light sleeper? Slumber parties were NOT my friend. (In fact, I still avoid them for this very reason.)

The Animal World is Conspiring Against Me!

2009-05-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

On my walk yesterday…

Me: (Thinking to myself) “Man, that’s a HUGE dog in that yard!”

Taking a few more steps while having a flashback to the time when I was attacked by a dog*…

Me: “Wait. Did that dog just step on to the side walk? He’s not chained up?”

Taking a few more steps…

Me: “Uh-oh, he’s in the street, now. What do I do?”

Taking a few more cautious steps…

Me: “Okay, he’s on the other side of the street. Don’t panic! Just keep walking. Stay your course, Liz!”

Taking a few more steps…then stopping with dread…

Me: “Dang!! I think he sees me!!!! Do I run? Will that cause him to chase me? What would Cesar Millan do? No, no…I must remain dominant! Keep walking, Liz!”

Taking a few more HESITANT steps…

Me: “HOLY CRAP!! He’s running to me!!!!!!! He’s gone feral!!!!!!!!”

Stopping in panic as the Rottweiler JUMPS ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: (saying out loud while trying not to lose control of my bowels) “Ahg!!!!! Crap!!!! Get off!!!!”

Stepping back so dog falls off my chest…

Me: (Looking down at the muddy paws on my white shirt) “Really!”

Taking a few more steps forward to try to get AWAY from the dog…

Me: (saying out loud) “Stop licking my hands!”

Taking a few more steps while noticing that the dog is bleeding from his ear…

Me: (Thinking to myself) “Is there blood on my pants?”

Taking a few more steps, realizing the dog is FOLLOWING ME!

Me: “Great. Now what do I do? Clearly he’s injured. But, I have office responsibilities. I can’t hide him in my cubicle…”

Taking a few more steps with the dog by my side…

Me: “I’ll just ignore him. He’ll go away…”

WALKING AN ENTIRE BLOCK WITH THE DOG BY MY SIDE, LICKING MY HANDS…

Me: “Crap.”

Continuing to walk when I notice a mother (giving me the stink-eye) and two little kids…

Mother of Kids: (In a rude tone) “You should really keep your dog on a leash!!”

Me: (Not knowing how to respond without going into a diatribe) “I know.”

Walking ANOTHER block with the dog by my side, NOT licking my hands because I’m holding them up (and looking stupid)…

Me: (Thinking to myself) “How am I going to get rid of him?”

Taking a few more steps, and seeing a stick…

Me: “Maybe if I chuck this stick?” picking up stick and throwing…

RUNNING AROUND THE CORNER AS FAST AS MY CHUBBY LEGS CAN CARRY ME (WHILE THE DOG RUNS IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION)…

Me: (heart palpating from physical exertion and mental stress) “Please don’t let him follow me!”

Walking as fast as I can towards my office while looking over my shoulder for the dog…

Me: “Maybe he’s not coming! Yes! My stick throwing diversion worked!”

Still walking as fast I can towards my office while looking over my shoulder for the dog…

Me: “He was kind of a cute dog…maybe I could keep him? What would Flo*** say?”

Entering my office out of breath, covered in muddy paw prints, hair frizzled, and sorta wishing I had a dog…

Me: “I think I’d name him Stanley.”

*I was five, and coming home from kindergarten when I was pinned in the middle of the street by a huge** vicious dog. A neighbor lady witnessed the attack, came to rescue me, and took me to my mom.
**Okay, it was a dachshund. But, HUGE to a scared five-year-old girl!
***My little old lady apartment manager.

On My Walk Today…

2009-05-06T14:45:00.000-07:00

Me: (thinking to myself) “Jeez, those squirrels are awfully close to the path.”

Taking a few more steps…

Me: “They’ll probably move as I get closer.”

Taking a few more steps…

Me: “Huh? They’re not moving. What’s wrong with them?”

Taking a few more steps…

Me: “Maybe they’re rabid and planning to attack me!!”

Taking a few more steps… while contemplating the scene I would make as I scream across the field with two squirrels caught in my hair, and what my plan of action would be to dislodge them*…

Me: “They’re only a foot away, now! What the? Oh, wait…looking around embarrassed… they’re having a moment of intimacy.”

Taking a few more steps…

Me: “Great. Now I feel like a dirty peeping tom. Why can’t I ever walk in peace?!”

*Swat at them, of course!

Part Three: How Dumb is Dumb?

2009-05-03T11:45:00.000-07:00

So, Thursday morning, as I’m “busy” at the office (Actually, I really was busy. I’m having to do TWO JOBS(!) because my “trainee” of a year(!) is way behind. But, that’s another post…), I get a call from Bank Robbing Bec.

Here’s what happened:

As soon as she met the detectives, they realized that she couldn’t possibly be the woman they have on surveillance. The real Becca is shorter, chubbier (but still cute, Hi Becca!), and wears glasses. (Detective M. said this is why it’s important to always have an updated license photo, because when they questioned a witness of the robbery, and showed him Bec’s picture, he said that it could have been her. (Becca’s license still has her picture from high school!))

Since they had already driven all the way out to see her (remember, they’re from the O.C.) they had her and Cash look at the pictures to see if they recognized the woman. (They didn’t.) And then they told them what happened.

Apparently, after the woman robbed an Office Store employee, she decided it would be a good idea to use the stolen credit cards in the EXACT SAME STORE THAT SHE STOLE THEM FROM!!!! I mean, how stupid can you be!!! And so when she went to the counter, the guy at the register looked at the credit card, read the name of his co-worker, got suspicious (Duh!), asked for her license, and wrote down the information (Becca’s!).

At this point, the woman realized he was on to her (“What? Really? You mean he figured out I wasn’t his co-worker?” Dumb!) and ran. She then proceed to a local liquor store and spent a couple hundred dollars on the awesome(?) stuff all liquor stores have. (Would a liquor store be your first choice to use stolen credit cards? Mine neither. Although, it does explain her stupidness…alcohol may be involved??)

------------------------------------

In the end, Bank Robbing Bec was cleared of all wrong doing, and was admonished to contact a couple of credit agencies to report that her identity might have been stolen.

The mysterious and dim-witted thief is still on the lam, probably getting ready to rob a McDonald’s and then buy a couple of Big Macs.

And my nunchucks still have their strings. (Although, I did put a pair of scissors in my night stand, because if this has taught me anything, it’s to always be ready for a police investigation.)

Part Two: Will the Real Rebecca Please Stand Up…

2009-05-02T10:56:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile, I get home from work and see Cash cleaning up our apartment. And not the usual dusting of tchotchkes and fluffing of pillows. Oh, no! She’s hiding stacks of unopened computer paper, piles of new pens, and other office-type supplies while wheeling suitcases into her bedroom.

Yes, friends. You heard me correctly!

Our apartment has been covered in office supplies that I was told came from a “friend” of my mom’s, but now I’m not so sure…maybe that was just a cover story…maybe Becca really DID rob the Office Store…and she and Cash left their suitcases (from their trip LAST MONTH to Asia) in the living room this whole time (despite my protests, I might add) because they KNEW they were going to have to go on the lam with boxes of paper clips!!!!!!!

When I question Cash about why she’s trying to hide the evidence (while secretly assuming she’s Becca’s accomplice), she tells me that, OF COURSE!, it would look strange to the police officers coming to question Bec about a robbery of an Office Store to have paper supplies everywhere along with suitcases waiting by the door! And so she has to get rid of the stash.

By the time Becca gets home, the apartment looks like a crime-free zone. And it’s then that she tells us about her brief conversation with Detective M.

Basically, he wants to some to see her tomorrow (Thurs.) morning to show her the surveillance photos they have and see if she could “identify” (aka: BE) the woman in question. Because the suspect had her exact same name, AND her exact same driver’s license number.

Hmm…

And we also found out that the thief didn’t steal supplies, she stole credit cards and checks from an Office Store employee. (This causes me relief. The office supplies in my apartment DID come from my mom’s friend! (Or did they? (No, they did.)))

Anyway, the rest of the evening was spent in conversation about what we would do if Becca’s taken to the slammer. Who would get her extensive Asian video collection? Who would handle our trip planning? You know, important questions like that!

I end up going to bed bummed that I have to go to work the next day and miss all the action. Cash will be there for moral support (since she’s between gainful employment right now) and will get to witness the conversation (aka: interrogation).

Part Three, tomorrow!

To Cut, or Not to Cut my Nunchuck Strings…

2009-05-01T11:50:00.000-07:00

So, as some of you may know, I am a certificated nunchucker. Totally professional about it and everything! (What? I’m serious!)

And now that I’ve advanced to the wood nunchucks (with bruises to prove it), I’ve become a renegade! (The law frowns upon wood nunchucks in California.)

Our (Rachel, Katie, Heather and yours truly) Sensei has joked by saying that if our homes are ever raided by the police, we should have scissors close by to cut the strings so we’re not brought up on felony (I’m not kidding!) charges.

And we would laugh and laugh! As if we would ever have the Po-Po in our homes because of criminal behavior! (Sure, we might if we were robbed or something, but not because we’re law breakers. Ha!)

Well, yesterday my friends, I almost had to cut my strings!*

You see, yesterday my apartment had two detectives (from the O.C.) in it to question one of my roommates (aka: sister Rebecca) about a robbery of which she was the SUSPECT!

::PAUSE FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT AND MENTAL ABSORBTION::

Wednesday, my parents had received a call from Detective M. asking if Becca (or Bank Robbing Bec, as I now call her) “has ever been convicted of a felony, because she sort of could be now, and could you please have her give me a call. Here’s the case number...”

(The detective called my parents instead of Becca directly because as part of her flouting authority, she never updated her driver’s license after moving out. Oh, what a tangled web we weave!)

You can imagine the affect this had on the parental units. (I’ll take “Panic” for 200 hundred, Alex!)

Immediately after hanging up with the police, my parents frantically call B. R. Bec at work, but couldn’t get a hold of her. So, they call my sister Cash (whose nickname is just coincidental…or is it?) who tries to call, but still no luck! So, Cash calls me, (because Bec and I work at the same university), and tells me briefly of the situation and what course of action I need to take: “Becca needs to call the police because she’s the suspect in a robbery of an Office Store**! Run over to her office a get her!!!!!!”

But, since I’m getting ready to leave, ~~and don’t want to walk in the opposite direction to get Becca because I'm lazy,~~ I decide it would be faster to call one of her co-workers, tell her it’s an emergency (without mentioning “jail time” )and “could she please interrupt Becca’s counseling session and put her on the phone!”

I then tell Bank Robbing Bec what I know. She’s stunned. (Or is she?) And eventually calls my parents to get the information.

STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO OF THE CASE OF MISSING POST IT NOTES...

*Instead, I opted to hide my nunchucks in my dirty laundry basket under a pile of my unmentionables.

**Since this is an ongoing investigation, I’m not giving the actual name of the store. I don’t want to have a reason for the police to come back and confiscate my nunchucks!

Is that a Poem in your Pocket, or a grocery list?

2009-04-30T08:35:00.000-07:00

Yep, today is National Poem in your Pocket day!!!!

This means that you, yes YOU, need to share a poem with your nearest and/or dearest.

Last year, when I passed out poems to all of my co-workers, it was a great success that produced poetry discussion. Yay!

This year, I’m handing out one of my favorite poems by Dylan Thomas, “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night.” It’s a classic, and I love the power of the words. (You can hear him read it here.)

If you need some suggestions, visit this link. Poets.org has done all the work for you!

And, if you don’t have the desire to pass poetry on to others, that’s okay.

Just share it with yourself!

A Question that has the power to change our lives…

2009-04-24T08:21:00.000-07:00

1) If you knew you could not fail, what dream of yours would you make come true?

I’ve been thinking about this question for weeks now. Fear of failure stops us from so much in our life, and it’s something I’m working on overcoming.

Now, I have a great life, don’t get me wrong. And over the last year I’ve incorporated a lot more of what I love (and used to fear) into my day-to-day. But, I want more!

So, I’ve been asking myself, if failure wasn’t going to happen, what would I do?

And now, I’m asking you the same thing…

Think of the possibilities!

Would you quit your job and start your own business?

Would finally write that novel? Paint that picture? Publish that poem?

Would you move to a completely different country?

Would you leave an unhealthy relationship?

Sell everything you own and travel the world?

Tell your secret crush that you love them?

Would you cut and dye your hair?

We only have one life!

Don’t let fear rule it…

Do you think I could ask for time off?

2009-04-22T13:38:00.000-07:00

Something happened on Monday that has taken me days to come to terms with, and to acknowledge that it ACTUALLY happened:

I got hit by a bird!

On my back!!

A real, live, bird!!!

I literally almost had a heart attack when it happened, and I swear I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder!

Here’s the story*:

I’m out for my daily walk around campus, which I love, because I’m able to enjoy the beauty of nature, college-kiddie watch (which sounds kind of creepy), and contemplate the meaning of life**.

As I was turning the corner past the football field and into the parking lot, I saw something swoop out of the corner of my eye, and then “THUMP” on my back.

My initial thought was “Stupid football boy, hitting an old lady with a ball!”***

But, when I turned around to pick up the ball (and yell out “Finders keepers!” to the offending fella), I saw to my horror, shock, and dismay, that it was not a ball, but, (shudder) a bird!

A little bird! A fledgling!****

When I saw the poor creature, I was overcome with compassion, gently picked it up and placed it in a nearby bush…okay, not really.

I screamed, and started shaking out my shirt to try to get the bird cooties off it, while looking around to see if anyone else had witnessed my attack. (No one had. Praise to the heavens! How embarrassing…)

Then I quickly ran into the bathroom of the science building to see if I had bird blood, feathers, or poop*****stuck to my shirt. (I didn’t. Which was a miracle. Because I totally would have thrown up.)

Once I calmed down, realized there wasn’t any permanent damage to my WHITE LACY shirt (although, there was to my soul) and got a drink of water, I went back outside to view the carnage.

Only…

The bird was gone!! He (or she) had survived!! And its parents******had come to collect him (or her).

And, I have to say, although I was slightly sad to not have proof of my assault, I was relieved to know it hadn’t died by hitting my back fat.

Overall, I’m still greatly upset by the whole thing. The rest of this week, I’ve kept my eyes scanning the heavens, and debated carrying my nunchucks as a visual threat to all others.

But, so far, no other wayward bird attacks.

I’ll keep you posted.

*Oh, how I wish you were here to hold my hand while I re-live this…

**Although, truth be told, on this particular walk I was trying to talk myself out of watching the new season of Tori and Dean. (Don’t judge!)

***My second thought was “Am I always going to get hit by a ball? I thought I left that behind in Junior High, and then High School, and then Community College! I mean, really?”

****Thank you Ornithology class! You didn’t cure my fear of birds, but you did give me the proper terminology to describe it. (P.S. A fledgling is a “toddler” bird learning to find food, water, shelter, and fly while not hitting people in the back, etc.)

*****Another tidbit learned in my bird class. Birds have no control over their sphincter. They poop indiscriminately.

****** Fledgling birds are always watched by their parents. They’re learning, after all.

My Inbox: Where email-chains come to die…

2009-04-20T09:13:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me, knows that if you send me an email that then requires me to forward it on to 20 people or my arms will fall off (or God won’t love me anymore (or I won’t get eleventy billion dollars)), knows I WILL NOT pass it on and will take my chances that when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll still have my appendages.

In fact, it takes all my effort not to reply to whoever sent me the email with a snarky comment about how dumb they are to think that God is trolling the internet to punish people who don’t forward an email containing scriptures and cats in Biblical costumes.

I mean, really, people.

This Monday morning, I had 3(!) such emails in my inbox. From co-workers. (Who clearly don’t know me.)

And all of the emails had a tagline of “If you agree with this email that [God is great*] [women are awesome**] [America is the bestest***], then forward this on to 6,000 people including the person who sent it to you!”

This is brings me to a dilemma.

Office politics suggest that I reply to the person who sent me the email. You know, so I seem chummy and all. But, then, said person thinks that I’m on the email-chain bandwagon (hurray!) and will send me every email that ever crosses her**** path.

And I just don’t think I can handle that. So, I’m going to have to be the lady who isn’t an email team player, and let the chips (or arms) fall where they may.

What else can I do?

*Agree!
**Agree!
***Agree!
****It’s almost always a “her”, isn’t it?

My Easter dinner started with the Heimlich maneuver…

2009-04-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

and finished with my choking Aunt puking on the table.

How was yours?

Things I learned Conference weekend that have nothing to do with Conference, but everything to do with nephew love…

2009-04-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

1. There is no successful way to explain to a two-year old why his one-year old cousin gets birthday presents, and he does not. No matter what you say, (even reminding him about the Easter bunny), expect furrowed brows and his reply of “I tell mom!”

2. There is no polite way to refuse an EXTREMELY manhandled M&M when offered to you by a smiling 5 year old boy who says “Here Auntie Yiz, it’s your favorite ca-yor!” You just have to let him plop it in your mouth, and hope your antibodies are paying attention.

3. If a 7 year old has a choice between Conference, and anything else, the “anything else” will win. Every time. So, don’t give him any options.

4. Also, do not put a 7 year old boy in charge of a one-year old boy, if suckers are involved.

5. Conference is way fun-er when holding a 2 month old as long as he’s sleeping or eating. If he’s crying or pooping, not so fun.

Did you read it?

2009-03-31T11:29:00.001-07:00

Check out what I thought, and maybe get some free art...

Two Questions and One Suggestion…

2009-03-27T09:57:00.000-07:00

Would you ask for an onion bagel with strawberry cream cheese on it?

Neither would I.

But one of my co-workers asks for it every time someone goes to the bagel shop.

And I don’t understand that. Onions and fruit don’t seem to be a winning combination. I've been tempted to ask her about it, but that just seemed weird to me.

So, I keep my judgements to myself...well, to you, and myself.

______________________

Do you know what the following license plate frame means?

“I’d rather be…live… and alone with Melissa Etheridge.”

What I don’t understand is the “live” part. The opposite would be “dead and alone with Melissa Etheridge” and who would want that?

I also thought that it might mean “live” and in “live and in concert,” but that’s a given. I mean, if you’re with someone, you’re both “live,” right? And if you’re alone, can it be considered “live and in concert”? I’m thinking, no. You’d just be “live”.

This whole thing completely confused me, and I spent the rest of my drive in a daze.

_____________________

Okay, and now for my suggestion.

If you haven’t already, stop by the 8th International Art Competition slideshow and see the amazing art from LDS members around the globe.

There’s something for everyone!

And maybe next year, I’ll have the chutzpah to submit something.

And maybe you will, too!

A Random Thought… Really, Really Random…as in, What are you smoking, Liz?

2009-03-20T09:14:00.000-07:00

We all have power.

We think we don’t; that we’re just victims of circumstance. Or of some past choice we made that we can’t escape from.

But that’s all a lie we tell ourselves.

And we tell ourselves this lie for two reasons: 1) we’re afraid of change, 2) we’re afraid to fail.

It’s that simple.

Now, as a responsible adult, you’ve made commitments that you shouldn’t break. Bills you’ve agreed to pay, tasks people are counting on you to accomplish, people you’ve covenanted to love, etc.

BUT, that doesn’t mean you can’t use the power within you to change your course. Circumstances don’t have to change for you to change!

The way I see my life from the way I saw it last year around this time is drastically different. And if we were sitting together on my couch, I’d tell you all about it over cocoa. But trust me, I see my world differently. And it’s WAY better!!

I want you to think of one more thing in regards to power:

Power = Perspective.

We get trapped in our perspective. We think that this is the only way to see things. It is our reality. But, our reality is not the Universal truth. And if it’s not Universal, it can be changed.

If you understand that, YOU can change.

I’ve been thinking recently about what “truths” I live by that aren’t Universal, and therefore, aren’t really true. And then, I’ve been trying to get rid of them and alter my reality (without the use of drugs, thank you).

And although it’s hard work, it’s SO liberating!

You should give it a try…

What I learned from my first Sunday in the nursery…

2009-03-09T10:24:00.000-07:00

1. Operation “Sunday Uniform” is now in effect. I spent most of the time trying not to flash the kids, avoid having them touch my shirt with their cracker slobber, and wishing I had worn sensible shoes.

2. Whereas before I would sometimes be exhausted from church out of boredom, I now am going to be exhausted by playing “Try to dodge a ball thrown by a 2 year old who has no sense of distance, speed, or momentum, but somehow has excellent aim for the face.”

3. I think I’m going to feel better about the fact that I don’t have children of my own. I’ll get to hug kids, help kids, and get their parents when they need a diaper change. And, I’ll also feel relieved knowing that I can go home and just sit in silence.

4. You can tell a lot about a child by the time they’re in nursery. It was like being in a mini version of “The Breakfast Club.” And I had fun speculating on their futures (while hoping that none of them actually will have to spend time at Saturday detentions when they are in high school).

5. Sometimes a cracker makes things seem not so bad.

Want to know what I thought?

2009-03-06T11:08:00.000-08:00

Go here!

They don’t want trash, people!

2009-03-05T10:23:00.000-08:00

What I saw in the DI bin when I went to drop off my donation*:

1. Old magazines. And I’m not talking about old Ensigns, but magazines like Better Homes and Gardens from 1994.

2. An old, stained (and I mean STAINED) blanket that looked disgusting. (I wouldn’t even bury my turtle in it.)

3. Old sneakers with a hole on one heel. (Do cobblers work at Deseret Industries?)

4. An obviously used pillow. Eww!

5. A lampshade. (If you could call a frame with threads of fabric on it a lampshade.)

6. Floppy disks. (Really.)

7. A stuffed animal with what looks like puke on it.

Boy, do I feel sorry for the folks who have to go through all this junk. (I wouldn’t touch it without gloves and a mask.)

I left wondering what in the world people were thinking when they piled this crap in the car and hauled it over to the bin. It all belonged in a dumpster, if you ask me.

*If you’re wondering what I donated, (you probably don’t care), it was a dinnerware set (for 8) that was in excellent condition. No chips, no cracks, no scratches. Perfectly re-giftable!

The Universe has my email address!

2009-02-20T09:30:00.000-08:00

So*, every day I receive a message from the Universe.

No, I’m not talking about seeing words in puddles, hearing voices in the breeze, or anything else like that. And I’m not talking about receiving emails from Mr. Universe.

I’m talking about receiving daily emails from THE UNIVERSE.

Somehow, somewhere, I signed up on some site that sends me these emails.

Some of them I don’t agree with (theologically speaking).

Some of them I whole-heartedly advocate.

And some of them really make me stop and think about what I’ve been taught to believe, how I interpret what I’ve been taught to believe, what I actually believe, and all the in-between things that I have no definitive belief on or in. (Does any of that make sense?)

And since they give me pause, I thought I’d occasionally share one with you—to get you thinking and reflecting (or bored and leaving my blog, never to return—please come back!).

With that, here’s the first message I want to discuss (and I’m paraphrasing here):

You don’t need to worry. There is time for everything. You were before time, and you will exist after time. You have forever. There’s no dream you have now that you can’t achieve. There’s no challenge you now face that you won’t overcome. Therefore, there is no need to worry. Ever.

What do you think? Do you agree? Yes? No? Sort of?

Worry is a BIG thing for me. HUGE! I worry all the time about things that are absolutely ridiculous. And so I’ve been thinking about this message, and trying to figure out how to interpret it on a day to day basis.

You see, I agree with the statement. I DO believe I lived before this life and I will live after it. So, time really shouldn’t hold be back because I’m not trapped in it. But, I find myself stuck in worry. I’m not “in the moment” as they say. I’m always thinking about what if this happens, or what if that falls apart.

Do you have this same problem? Maybe it’s just me.

To combat this, I’ve been trying a new mantra: I don’t have to worry NOW.

And since it’s always “now,” I should never worry.

So far, it’s not working that well. But I’m trying.

Another thing this statement made me ponder on is time.

I often find myself saying “You too old to do that, Liz.” “It’s too late.” Etc.

And there are things in life that I’ve already made up my mind that I can’t do because I’m not in my 20’s anymore.

But, as with worry, maybe I’m wrong about that too.

Hmm…

Boy, I have a lot to learn, and a lot of hang ups I need to let go of.

*I’ve just realized that I start a lot of posts with “So.” I think because it sounds conversational. You know, like it’s just you and me, shootin’ the breeze and hangin’ out in my apartment. Very casual-like.

Conversations…

2009-02-12T08:46:00.000-08:00

So, I work at a university.

And for the most part I love it (except for all the students).

But, every so often, I have a conversation with a student that makes dealing with the other 22 gazillion unhappy ones worth it.

Yesterday, one such tête-à-tête took place.

ME: Hi, how can I help you?

STUDENT: I’m here to turn in this paperwork.

ME: Okay.

STUDENT: I wasn’t sure…[His phone starts ringing, and so he looks at it.] Oh, I have to take this. [Then he turns slightly to the side, (so as to not be looking directly at me), and answers the phone.]

STUDENT: Hello? Grandpa? Is that you? [He’s then silent while he’s listening for about a minute.] Grandpa? It’s me! STEVEN! No. No. STEVEN! No, Grandpa. I’m at school. SCHOOL! No, SCHOOOOOLLLL!!!!

ME: If you could just step to the side of the counter. [He doesn’t appear to hear me.] Sir, if you could just...[He holds up a finger. No, not that one. The index finger which is the universal sign for "Just a second."]

STUDENT: No, Grandpa. Don’t do that! NO GRANDPA!!! DON’T DO THAT!!! I’m not there. I’M NOT THERE!!! I’M AT SCHOOL!! NO, SCHOOOLLL!!!! Grandpa! GRANDPA!!! Put that down. No, DOWN!!! No, this is STEVEN! STEEEVVVEEENNN!!!!!

ME: [Trying not to laugh at what is cleary a family problem.]

STUDENT: Grandpa? GRANDPA? My mom should be there any minute, so just wait! MY MOM! No, DOROTHY! DOORROOTHYYYY!!! Grandpa? Don’t do that! DON’T DO THAT!!! JUST WAIT!!!!

[SILENCE for about 15 seconds.]

STUDENT: Grandpa? Is she there? Dorothy. Yes. Your daughter. Okay. Bye, Grandpa.

[The student now turns back to me.]

STUDENT: That was my grandpa.

ME: Oh, really?

People are funny.

I Am a Childless Child of God…

2009-02-05T07:52:00.000-08:00

So, I’ve been thinking of my spinster-ly status lately.

I think because I just had my 34th birthday and I’ve been feeling my age these last couple of days. (Most of the time, I don’t feel my age. I feel about 25.)

And I’ve been thinking about where I thought I would be at 34 and what I thought I’d be doing. (Don’t we all do this to some extent?)

And as you can imagine, I didn’t think I’d be doing the single and childless thing.

No, I thought by 34 I’d be almost done having kids. At the very least, I thought I’d be in the middle of having kids. I certainly didn’t think the closest I’d be to having kids was standing next to someone else’s!

For the most part, this hasn’t bothered me. I’ve loved continuing my education, exploring my artistic side, writing, traveling, deeply studying the gospel, and a host of other activities that I’ve done to create a fulfilling life.

I’ve had opportunities to serve, to love, to laugh, and, thanks to my nephews, to mother.

And I’ve rarely felt bummed at church.

I read a statement in a book by Sister Oaks that perfectly sums up my feelings. It was something like “I signed up for the WHOLE gospel, not the singles’ edition.” So lessons on families, marriage, or any other similar topic don’t offend me or make me sad. I know the church is true—even if at this time, it’s not all “true” for me.

But, there are times when I think of my younger self and all the plans I had of being a wonderful mother, and an awesome (and I do mean awesome) wife. And these times are hard.

And tears are shed.

And “Why not me?” is asked.

And the only thing that comforts me is the spirit whispering that my life is just as valid as the next; that I’m on the Lord’s errand, and that He’s proud of me.

This past Sunday was one of those hard times.

I was teaching my Beehives a lesson on their Divine role as women. I asked them what they thought that role was.

And how do you think they responded?

“To be a wife and mother.” Yep.

And then I asked, “Is that the divine role of all women?”

“Yes,” they answered.

And I followed that with “What about me? I'm not married, and I don’t have children. Does that mean I’m not fulfilling my divine role?”

Silence.

Yep, this Sunday was a tough one.

Go See My Other Blog Children...

2009-02-03T09:29:00.001-08:00

Yep, I've posted on my "creativity" blog and my book blog.

So, go check it out!

A Simple Question…

2009-01-30T08:56:00.000-08:00

So, do any of you want to join me in cashing in your 401k (while there’s still something in it) and buying a little cottage in a small town (located 30 miles outside a big city—with museums and other cultural-type stuff) where we would spend our mornings in the garden, afternoons selling our “wares” in a cute shop, and our evenings enjoying the sunset while we write or paint or sew or strum the guitar?

Anyone?

I’ll do it if you do it with me…

And yes, it’s been one of those weeks.

Book Begging

2009-01-27T11:16:00.000-08:00

In the last 5 weeks, I’ve read 11 books.

For some of you, that may be a lot—for others, a regular occurrence.

For me, I always seem to live in either a state of drought or downpour.

And recently I’ve been putting on my galoshes* and dancing in the rain!

And while I’ve been reading a mix of genres, (political, historical, religious, and memoirs), what I’ve been loving is all the fiction!

It’s been a long time since I’ve lost myself in someone’s made up world and I’ve missed it. (I’ve even found myself liking books I normally wouldn’t.)

But, I’m running out of book recommendations.

So, I’m sending out a public plea to all who stumble upon my blog (whether I know you or not):

What books have changed your life? Altered your reality? What books do you turn to when everyday life is too much? When you need to escape? What classics do you love? What new authors are you raving about?

In essence, what are your favorite books?

Whether you have one or 100, I want to know about them. So please, pretty please, leave me a comment! (Or shoot me an email if that suits you better.)

I need more to read! So I’m begging you for book suggestions…

*I’ve never actually owned a pair of galoshes, but it’s always been a dream of mine. “Galoshes” is one of my favorite words…

Not Your Average Birthday Gang…

2009-01-23T12:17:00.000-08:00

So, last Saturday my super terrific friends threw me a birthday party--The Liz Jubilee! (Thanks Rachel and Katie!!)

And it was not your run-of-the-mill party with balloons and cake.

Nope! It was a Beatnik Poetry Slam party!!

That’s right. All the attendees had to present an original poem, read in front of the whole group with a spotlight in their face and bongos punctuating their words. (And in my case, beret on my head.)

Needless to say, it was awesome!!!! (I’d post some pictures, but I, of course, didn’t have my camera. (So, Rachel and Laura, when you get a chance, could you send me some?))

I laughed. I cried. I felt loved and appreciated—exactly what you want on your birthday, right?

And to join in the fun, I wrote a poem to share with the group. The subject of my poem was all the fantastic tidbits of knowledge I’ve collected over these years. You know, the stuff that’s made me really, really smart, and all.

I was asked to post it, so here it is: (Oh, and all the bolded words were sung. Yes, sung. So, sing along—I know you know the tune…)

The Brainless Barrage*
By Liz Wolfe, 2009

I need
some punky power
this hour.
This 3 hour tour with my skipper
and Flipper has morphed
into a
Schlemiel, Schlimazel and
I’m
puzzled.
How many Happy Days, ayyyyyy
have slipped away
as I have filled my mind
with what, what I
could find?
So, let me
rewind, Rerun,
And say, Here’s the story of
a lovely lady,
sailing on the Love Boat
waiting for the Mork
to her Mindy.
Let me just wiggle my nose
and magically expose
my own A-team
for hire, and it’s dire.
Cause I care about
who Joanie loves,
And those on 21 Jump Street.
So, gimme a break,
I’ve learned if you take the good
and take the bad,
what you have
is a mixed bag
where everybody knows your
name, and so
I ask where’s my invisible
plane?
And are you sure a paper
clip, rubber band, and a match
can get us out of here?
Here where eight is enough
and de plane, de plane
can take us out of the land
of the lost,
where we’re
saved by the bell, but
barely.
You say
“Bad news, bears!
It’s a small wonder
you’ve got anything else in
that head of yours.”
And I say what chu talkin’
about, Willis?
Who’s the Boss?
Me!
Let me have my
wonder years,
and dance of joy,
joy that helped me
through my
growing pains of
a full house.
Believe it or not,
I’m walkin’ on air
was not
my theme song
of youth.
Truth?
More like
I prayed for my
highway to heaven
and took it one day
at a time.
So I don’t need
you to worry for
me cause I’m all right.
And like Charles, I’m
in charge, and
in a half hour, all wrongs
will be righted.
You say, “Pleeease,
turn off the TV, and be.”
To that,
I say
kiss my grits!
It’s too late…

*I referenced 36 different TV shows in my poem. Can you find them all?

3 Things I learned from my Office Retreat…

2009-01-22T09:24:00.000-08:00

1. It should not be called a “retreat” (no matter what management says) because that implies a fun, non-work related experience. It should have been called “Six-Hour-Meeting-Where-You-Fantasize-About-Plunging-a-Pen-in-your-Eye.”

2. Some people have no idea how to “keep comments under 2 minutes” or “keep comments on topic” or “keep comments from being the stupidest things ever said” or “keep comments from making people want to plunge a pen in their eye”.

3. Never volunteer to be in charge of an office “retreat”. It’s never a good idea. Never, ever, ever!!!!*

*I don't know what I was thinking when I volunteered. I blame it on a high fructose corn syrup delusion...

To Blog or Not To Blog (I’m pretending that I’m the first clever person to come up with this title…)

2009-01-09T12:15:00.000-08:00

So, I’ve not been blogging.

If you’ve noticed my absence, thank you! You’re a nice person and I will give you a gold star when I see you. (I really do have some in my purse, so just ask. (And if you’re wondering why I have some in my purse, it’s the same reason I have pompoms in my car: If you prepare for gold star/pompom experiences, they come your way!! (At least, in theory.)))

Why haven’t I been blogging you ask?

Well, there are a million reasons why, but it boils down to one thing: I’ve had nothing to say. (At least not anything that I would be willing to sit down and write about.)

So, I decided to take a little break to gather (or get) some thoughts, and then come back with a bang in the New Year.

Also, I’ve opted not to do a year in review, because I’ve read all of yours, and you make my year look like I’m trapped in my own incredibly less funny and picturesque version of Groundhog Day.

I’ll give you a Six-word Memoir of it, though:

Dreams attempted, successes and failures resulted.*

But enough about 2008, let’s look on to 2009!

I hope you all have something you want to accomplish this coming year.

Something that you’ve never done before!

Something that you’ll talk about for years to come!!

Something that will change your life!!!

(And if you DO have something, could you tell me about it? Not that I’d copy your idea or anything. Of course I wouldn’t do that! Well, unless it was a really fantastic idea…I mean, it’s a free country...so if it’s something I want to do, I’ll do it…you can’t stop me…unless, of course, you don’t tell me about it…but I really want you to…because I don’t have any ideas…so, disregard what I’ve said…I won’t copy you… I pinky-swear promise…well…maybe…)

*What would be your Six-word Memoir of 2008?

An Old-timer's Christmas

2008-11-06T14:34:00.000-08:00

So, now that the election is over, [eyes looking skyward as I say a silent prayer of gratitude that I don’t have to endure any more political commercials], I can focus my attention on more important things… like what I want for Christmas!

And as I’ve been making my list (and checking it twice), I’ve realized something horribly sad and pathetic:

I’m an old lady!

Gone are the days where I wanted highly frivolous and fun things (like a Barbie mini-van or Mr. T jewelry kit).

Now I want, well… need, extremely practical and boring things (which fully place me in the “old lady” category).

Don’t believe me?

Here are my top three Christmas “wishes”:

1. A shredder.

2. Sheets.

3. Grocery Bag Holder. (Seriously.)

If I added undies, socks, and some kind of ointment, I’d be able to apply for my senior citizens discount!

(Although, with my birthday right around the corner, you never know!)

So, please, if you have any fun Christmas present ideas, leave me a comment. I’m too young to be so utilitarian…

Friday Fluff: Open Letter

2008-10-31T11:58:00.000-07:00

Dear Praying Mantis,

I’m sorry I sat on you.

It’s been a rough week for me too…

Crushingly Yours,
Liz

(Oh, and I've written my first post of tips about NaNoWriMo. You can check it out, here.)

Political Alienation…

2008-10-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

[Stepping on to the soapbox…]

So, full confession, this is the first Presidential election that I’ve been really following.

Sure, in past years I’ve known who was running (which is the first step to being politically savvy), and I probably watched a couple of minutes from the debates.

But I certainly didn’t watch them in their entirety, or read commentaries, or political blogs, or watch talk-heads prattle on about why their candidate is so totally awesome! (All of which I’ve done this year.)

And I wouldn’t say that the reason I’ve been more involved this year is due to the candidates, themselves. (I’m not too fond of either of them, truth be told. The person I was rooting for didn’t get the nomination.)

But, it has to do with the fact that, finally, at (ahem) 33 years of age, I understand the difference between the main two parties.

And it’s more than just little things. It’s big, fundamental differences on what this country stands for, where it should be headed, and how we're going to get there!

Yes, many (if not most) politicians are smarmy. Yes, many (if not most) love power and the wielding of it. And, yes, many (if not most) can be downright dishonest.

But…and there is a but… that does not mean that “They’re all the same.” Or “It doesn’t matter.” Or “There’s no real difference between the two.”

They’re not. It does. And, there is.

And if you’re voting, you should know that.

If you don’t, do a little reading. Or ask a friend (who’s nice and respectful) to tell you what he or she thinks. However you go about it, get the information! (From both sides of the aisle.) You should understand the arguments for and against everything you believe in. (And as a bonus, it makes you much more interesting.)

Now, there are side effects to informing yourself:

1) You care a lot more about issues and outcomes (which could cause you to be overly passionate about things—much to the chagrin of people talking to you.)

2) You become frustrated with people who don’t care, or can’t provide a single reason that they’re voting for someone other than “He’s new and for change.” Or “He’s old and for change, too, sort of!” (FYI: If you tell me who you’re voting for, be prepared for me to ask you “Why?” and expect real answers.)

3) Or, you come to realize that the party you’re currently a member of no longer represents your world view. So, after this election, you’re switching!*

The bottom line is that the election is going to be over before we know it. But, the ramifications will be felt for years to come.

So, make sure before you hit the polls, you know what you’re giving to the future.

[Stepping off of the soapbox…]

*Yes, all of these reasons happened to me. So, be forewarned

Two Weeks Notice…

2008-10-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

Nov. 1 is the start of National Novel Writing Month.*

So in the next two weeks, sign up and mentally prepare yourself for the exciting adventure of writing a novel in an insanely short amount of time!

I did it last year, and although it almost killed me, I’m doing it again.

Why?

Because:

1) It was fun to see where forced writing would take me. Being inherently lazy, having a deadline really helps. And I didn’t have time to really plot things out, so my creativity was stretched.

2) No matter what else I didn’t accomplish last year, I can say that I wrote a novel—who cares if it was crappy!

3) I loved the sense of community with other writers from all over the world! It was nice to know that I was in the same self-induced stress boat as a guy from Japan and a woman from Australia.

And I want you to join me this year!

Go check out the site and sign up. I mean it!

It’s hard, but not too hard. And don’t give me the excuse that you’re not a “writer.”

If you know have to write, you’re a writer! It’s a simple as that.

All you have to do is write 1667 words per day for 30 days, for a total of 50,000 words!

That’s it! And then you can call yourself a novelist!!!

There’s no need to plan ahead. Last year I didn’t. I just dove in and let whatever happen, happen. This year, because I knew it was coming, I’ve been thinking of the general direction I want my story to go. But, I don’t really have any of the details worked out. I loved the organic process of the whole thing!

So, please, please, please sign up!

I’d love to have some friends to share the highs and lows of writing a novel…

*I'm planning on doing weekly check-ins on my "Poet by Night" blog. So, heads up!

See! I’m not a liar!!!

2008-10-02T08:18:00.000-07:00

So, for months and months and months, now, I’ve been saying that I entered a poetry contest (by accident, actually) and my poem received an honorable mention (which was a complete surprise—since, again, I didn’t know I had entered the contest).

And all of you dear friends were like “That’s great Liz!” “Way to go!” “You’re the best.”*

And then months passed, and nothing. No proof that what I said was true.

I stopped bringing it up because I was afraid you’d all start thinking I was telling a tall tale. You know, that I had somehow confused having a poem published in a literary journal with reading a poem in a literary journal by someone named Liz.

But, yesterday when I got home from a long day at work, there was a surprise waiting for me in the mail…The Summer 2008 edition of Segullah and when I opened up the pages, there I was!!!!

A full page with my poem on it!!!

Yay!!!!

You can see the cover here. (And you’ll notice on the lower right of the webpage, under the Poetry section, you’ll see my name.”

I’m thinking of pinning the journal to my shirt and wearing it around town.

So, if you want to read it, just ask. I’ll have it on me**…

*These aren’t direct quotes. But, I’m assuming they’re close to what you said… =)

**And if any of you subscribe, not only will you get wonderful essays and poems by and about Mormon women, but you’ll also get my autograph. You know, for when I become a world famous poet.***

***Because when I become a world famous poet, I’m planning on moving to a small cottage in Ireland, where I’ll be a recluse. And then, it will totally be hard to get my signature, because if you stop by, I’ll probably throw stones and yell at you in Gaelic to get off my property.****

****Of course, I might let you in and give you an autograph if you’re there to film a documentary on my life, à la Grey Gardens. Because I’m sure, by then, I’ll be REALLY quirky. I can’t guarantee that I’ll be living with raccoons, and have a hot plate by my bed, but it’s very likely that I’ll have some kind of hygienic issue and questionable pet. Like my hair will be puffed out to the size of a small moon and I’ll have a pet jaguar.*****

***** I’d love to have a jaguar…I’d name him Kirk.

My Feminist Dilemma…

2008-10-01T07:34:00.000-07:00

So, lately I’ve been feeling a little on the outs with women.

LDS and non-LDS alike.

I find that I’m a little too feminist for some, and WAY not enough for others.

This has been brought to the forefront of my mind because of a certain woman who is running for office. I’ve heard numerous women weighing in on whether or not she should. And I’ve heard all their reasons why they think she shouldn’t. I’ve also heard women expressing their feelings that she’s destroying the women’s movement because she’s an anti-feminist.

I’ve held my tongue during all of this; partly because it’s political (and you know how I feel about that), and partly because I don’t agree with either side.

But, it does make me feel disconnected.

Do any of you feel the same way?

Would You Marry You?

2008-09-25T10:18:00.000-07:00

So, I came across this article, and was surprised at my gut reaction to the question: No.

This response then prompted me to spend the last week (yes, week) asking myself “why?”

What did I find so wrong with myself that I wouldn’t even consider marrying me?

Am I that difficult?

Is that one reason why I’m not married right now?

Do I expect perfection?

Is that another reason why I’m not married right now?

And if I were married, would I be disappointed?

Is that a third reason why I’m not married right now?

Needless to say, this week has made me a little bummed…But, it’s also made me double my efforts in fixing my faults, and improving my talents! And, honestly, it’s made me grateful that I have the chance to do so.

This life is all about refining ourselves, right?

So, what do you think? Would you marry you?

I Broke My Rule…

2008-09-18T11:15:00.000-07:00

And it was a bad idea.

And I mean B.A.D.

Why, oh, why did I open my mouth and discuss politics with a co-worker? Why?!!!

I had to apologize later.

Yep. It was that bad.

I just get frustrated with people who repeat talking points like they know what they’re talking about; people who do no research of their own, and yet pontificate as if they had (and when you provide concrete evidence to the contrary, tell you that you don’t know what you’re talking about); people who focus on trivial matters while leaving aside the big issues; people who do not want the truth, but only want their side to be right.

Ugh.

But, I’ve learned my lesson. Again.

NO POLITICAL DISCUSSIONS WITH ANYONE, EVER!!*

*Well, maybe with my mom.

Collage Number Four (i.e. Hannah)

2008-09-16T10:04:00.000-07:00

So, I FINALLY saw Hannah a couple of weeks ago, and was able to give her the collage I made for her birthday!

Yay!

You can see it, here.

Political Silence…

2008-09-12T12:31:00.000-07:00

So, if you know me, you know I have two hard rules that I do not break:

1) I never discuss politics, and

2) I never play video games.

And the reason I have these two rules is the same:

I get SO INVOLVED that I lose all sense of time and decorum, and will fight/argue until I win or, at the very least, make my opponent feel like a loser (even if they aren’t).

I become a totally different person (as one of my sisters, who bears the scar of being hit by a video game controller, can attest to). (In my defense, it was a LONG time ago, when I was much more immature. Really.)

Now, I didn’t always feel this way about politics. In fact, for a long time I didn’t know my Ahmadinejads from my Putins. I didn’t care who promoted what bill. Or who was the Secretary of Defense. Or Treasury. Or State.

I’m not proud of that, but it’s the truth.

I just didn’t care. I felt all political leaders were crap (I still think this applies to many.), and that nothing I did mattered (I think that where we stand counts for more than we think.)

But all that changed a few years ago. I don’t really remember why or how, but it did. (I’m thinking my mom had something to do with it.)

And now I’m a political junky. I LOVE politics!!! I read about it, watch stuff on it, and listen to it. And the closer we’re getting to this election, the more I’m dying to shout my opinions from the rooftop! Seriously, I’m dying!

I even had an opportunity last Saturday night (after watching the first part of the 2nd Forsyte Saga) to get in on a political discussion with my fellow movie goers, (Hi Rachel, Katie, and Krii) and I didn’t. Even though I really, really wanted to!

I don’t know how much more I can hold out, though*. I think that’s why I’m blogging about it, now.

I just had to tell someone that I care!

I’m paying attention!

I have an opinion!

And that everyone should research all the issues and take the opportunity to vote!

*If you ask me for my opinion, I'll probably still say "No comment." But, who knows...

Glutton for self-punishment...

2008-09-02T08:22:00.000-07:00

This one almost killed me.

Seriously.

The Power to Change…

2008-08-28T11:00:00.000-07:00

“I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday or some previous day.” James Joyce

So, I’ve been thinking about this quote for days and days and days now*. James Joyce is speaking my language!

Anyone who knows me knows I talk about past, present, and future Liz, ALL THE TIME!

In my head, I’m always running a little dialogue about my choices and actions. I’ll give you an example that will make you feel grateful that you are not me:

“Present Liz, how will this help future Liz? It doesn’t. It’s only helping you. I know past Liz screwed you over by making that one choice that has now become a habit. Darn you, past Liz! But, present Liz, think of future Liz, and help her out. Stop right now! I mean it! Soon, present Liz, you’re going to be past Liz, and you don’t want future Liz, who becomes present Liz, to talk about you this way, do you? No! So knock it off future past Liz, or present Liz, whoever** you are!”

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Liz, you are one crazy lady, and need help!” But thinking this way has helped me come to terms with past behaviors, and make the needed corrections.

We only ever have the present. And if you engage with it, you can change. Slowly, but surely, I’ve been re-writing myself, trying to make sure that what I’m establishing today will make me who** I want to be tomorrow.

It’s a long, daily process. And these last couple of months I’ve done some major transformations within myself. (This is part of the reason I haven’t done any thoughtful posts in a while.)

I don’t know if you’ve tried it, but changing the way you think is hard work. And I mean HARD!

To help me with this, I’ve been doing a lot of reading. And I mean A LOT!

Books on the mind, books on thinking, books on choices, books on living in the present moment, books on happiness, books on sadness, books on spirituality, books on life, books from religious teachers, books from regular people, LDS books, non-LDS books. And then with everything I’ve read, I’ve crossed referenced it with scriptures. It’s been very labor intensive, let me tell ya!***

I’ve learned SO much: about myself, about our minds, about our spirits, about the power of thoughts and words, about the universe, about the ability we have to change, about the reliance we have on God.

And if I’m with you long enough (and we’re not with a crowd), I’ll want to tell you everything I’ve learned!

Seriously.

Case in point: Last night, at Young Womens, we were interviewing the girls on their personal progress. And I had a sweet 12 year old who I talked to for about 20 minutes on “the power she has now to make herself the woman she wants to become, and how she needs to think of her future self when making choices. But that she should live in the “now” because now is the only moment we ever truly live. And she has the ability to interpret her past any way she wants, thereby creating a new present and future.” I think she almost poked out her own eyeball to get away from me! Poor girl.

I guess I’m saying all this to remind you that you are establishing your future at this very moment, and to warn you that the next time I see you, be prepared for the onslaught of information coming your way!

You might want to have something handy to poke your eye…

*I’ve wanted to post on this for weeks, but I haven’t done any “thinky” posts in a LONG time, and it made me nervous. Yes, nervous! Light-hearted posts are much safer and easier. They don’t really bare the soul, do they? But, I’m brave, and posting. So there.

**I’ve decided to forgo “whom” because it doesn’t sound natural even though it’s grammatically correct. And because of my English degree, I felt compelled to mention it. I’m torn between two worlds, folks!

*** This is why I’ve been failing on my book blog. I’ve been reading the books; I just haven’t had the energy to post on them. But, it’s my goal for next month!

Busy Art Week

2008-08-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

I’m having art overload this week!!

First of all, I started a Mixed Media art class last week and am already behind on my homework. I’ve got to start shading my faces and I still don’t have faces good enough to shade. Sigh.

Second, I’m trying to put the finishing touches on Rachel’s birthday present, and I think I’m just making it worse. I’m very tempted to throw it out and start over… (Dear Rachel, I'm sorry I've messed up your present. Love, Liz)

Third, I’m trying to finish my ATC’s (Artist Trading Cards) and get them mailed off to Canada, The Netherlands, and Spain, for my ATC group. So, I’m feeling stressed about that, as well.

Fourth, I’ve started another birthday M.M.A. that I need to get done in the next couple weeks and I have so many ideas I think my head is going to explode!

These reasons, and a few others, are making me very busy. I feel like every spare* minute I have I’m sketching something, painting something, or cleaning up spills. (F.Y.I. dark green paint DOES NOT come out of beige carpet, no matter how fast you try to clean it up or how many cleaning solutions you use.)

I’m feeling a little creatively drained…

But, I’ve never felt more alive!!

*Thankfully, (although a little tearfully), the Olympics are over, so I should have more spare minutes now!

Friday Fluff

2008-08-22T09:17:00.000-07:00

In today’s fluffy post, prepare yourselves for shock, intrigue, and spy amazement!

Oh, and find out where I’m moving in 2010 if I have nothing else going for me!!

______________

All I can say is it's about time!!

When this is finally available to the masses, I’m going to be the first in line to buy it! Just think of all the places I could go and be undetected!!

Well, actually, I can’t think of any off the top of my head, but I’m sure there are some places I'd want to go undetected. Give me a minute... um…

______________

And to stick with our undercover spy theme, did you hear about this? Who knew that she could cook up a mean bouillabaisse and at the same time gather secret info. on the Nazis!

What an awesomely awesome woman!!

______________

This last one has nothing to do with the other two, but I’m thinking of moving there. You know, since the mayor gave a “shout out” and all.

My favorite line in the article is when the mayor refuses to apologize because he’s “telling it like it is.”

There's hope for me at last!

Marriage, here I come!!

Whose with me?

Have a great weekend everyone*.

*And remember, there’s some desperate miner in a remote town in Australia just waiting for you! Isn’t life grand?!

An Unwanted Recommendation

2008-08-19T09:36:00.000-07:00

I'm a reader.

And because of this, I often receive unsolicited book recommendations.

For the most part, I LOVE this. It's always interesting to me to know what other people are reading, or what authors people love. I feel I learn much more about a person by what they read, than by what they do.

But, sometimes, it puts me in a pickle.

Case in point: A couple of months ago my ex officemate, (the one who had no idea where to find Louisiana on a map), loaned me a book. It’s her favorite, and she asks me almost every day if I’ve started reading it.

I haven’t. And I’m running out of excuses.

It’s not that it’s some random book that’s hard to understand. It’s not. The book is by a VERY popular author (which I won’t name as to not offend those of you who like him/her). It’s just not my style. I find this author’s stuff too jejune*. You know?

But, I’m not sure how to tell her that without hurting her feelings or worse yet, make her think that I think she’s a dumbo for reading it. I don’t. I think it’s fantastic that she’s found an author she likes. She’d be the first to admit that she’s not a reader, so this is a big thing for her: to have a favorite author! And she was so excited to have a book to recommend to me.

I’m happy for her. (And for the example she’s setting for her kids.) And I want to support her.

So, I’m going to have to read it, aren’t I?

Yep. I know.

*This is one of my favorite words, and I never use it because it sounds pretentious. But, it’s so perfect! Forgive me.

It Says What? (Beehives Learn a Life Lesson)

2008-08-14T11:51:00.000-07:00

Last night I had an activity for my Beehives. (For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, “Beehives” are 12 to 13 year old girls in our church youth group.)

My activity was as planned:

1) Teach the girls interview skills by having them interview another girl and then be interviewed themselves, and

2) Teach the girls public speaking skills by having them inform everyone on the girl they interviewed.

To make this a little more fun, in between 1 and 2, I gave each girl a dollar and took them to the dollar store to buy something for their interviewee that represented something from her answers.

So, flash forward to the end of the night. The girls LOVED buying something for each other! And now it was time for presentations.

I’ll tell the rest of the story in a One Act, One Scene play:

ACT 1, SCENE 1

Cast of Characters:

- Four, really cute, excited, and loud 12 to 13 year old girls. (Well, really only three are loud. One is more quite than a silent movie.)

- A really tired leader who wanted to go to sleep at 5:30pm, but finds herself with four really cute and excited Beehives at 8:00pm. She’s having a fun time, but she’s exhausted, so her judgment is slightly impaired.

ME: Okay, [GIRL A], you go next.

GIRL A: I had [GIRL B].

(GIRL A then tells us about GIRL B*.)

GIRL A: (continuing...) And [B] said that in 10 years one of the things she wants to do is get married. So, I bought her a wedding card that she can keep as a reminder of her goal.

ME: What does the card say?

GIRL A: On the front it says “Marriage is nice.” (While showing us all a lovely embossed white card with pink flowers.)

(She opens the card.)

(Silence.)

ME: [A], what does the card say?

(Silence.)

GIRL A: I didn’t read the inside of the card when I bought it.

ME: What? (said with concern)**

GIRL A: I should have read the inside of the card before I bought it. It says “It makes all that stuff you want to do decent and legal. Congratulations!”

ME: (Hysterical laughter!) (I mean, HYSTERICAL!!) (I was really tired, and that always makes me laugh like a loon being taken to a loony bin.)***

(All the other girls start laughing.)

GIRL B: (said while laughing) Well, just seal it and I won't open it until my wedding day.

END SCENE

LESSON LEARNED: Always read the entire card before buying it!

Ah, the priceless moments of working with the youth!!

*This was GIRL B's first activity. She just turned 12. Oy vey!

**I know I should have pulled [GIRL A] aside when she seemed hesitant, but I wasn’t thinking straight.

***Seriously, it was one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed.

I've Finished Another One...

2008-08-11T18:02:00.000-07:00

You can check it out here!

Flashback to the 80’s, Mormon Style

2008-08-07T11:12:00.000-07:00

Hi, my name is Liz, and I’m addicted to iTunes.

And I don’t plan on stopping. So don’t try to organize an intervention.

Frankly, it’s too convenient stop!

I hear a song. I look it up on iTunes. I download it. And in minutes I’m dancing about in my room with glee.

No travel necessary. No wasted money on a CD with 2 great songs and 8 crappy ones. Just pick the one you want and enjoy!

I go to iTunes almost every day. Seriously.

And recently, I’ve developed a habit of typing random names in its search engine to see who pops up. (For example: I now have 4 songs on my iPod by 4 different women named Eliza. Who knew?)

iTunes has expanded my music world! From African chant music to Welsh folk songs to New Zealand “worship” singers, I love it all and have put it on my iPod!

But, something happened to me a few weeks ago that really opened my eyes to the great inventory iTunes holds.

I had decided that I needed a little 80’s, and specifically, some Howard Jones. (You know you love him!) So, as per the usual, I typed in his name and hit “search” and waited for the joy to occur.

Tons of “80’s Greatest Hits” or “Super Hits of the 80’s” popped up. And as I scrolled down through the songs of the 80’s, I saw what I expected: “What’s Love Got to Do With It,” “Take on Me,” “Never Gonna Give You Up.” I was in heaven!

But then, as I continued to scroll down, I found something odd. In between songs by Duran Duran were songs like “His Hands.” And right after Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam there was “Like a Lighthouse” and “I Heard Him Come.”

I couldn’t understand what happened! How did iTunes know I was Mormon? Why did it have Mormon songs in its database? And why was it stalking me with Kenneth Cope?

As I scanned the webpage looking for answers (while trying to calm myself down as I thought that perhaps God really WAS trying to contact me through the internet, and all those emails that “God loves you unless you don’t forward this to 12 people” were right), I noticed one of the album titles at the top of the page: LDS Super Hits of the 80’s!*

Yes, I know. You’re as surprised as I was! Someone actually compiled the greatest Mormon hits, put them on a CD, and then iTunes got a hold of it! What a magical world we live in!!

Of course, I had to click on the Album cover to see all of the songs listed. And they were just what you’d expect. (“Hold on, the Light Will Come”, “Greater Than Us All”, and “Win the Race”.)

What was interesting to me was to see what songs had the most downloads.

In a show of solidarity (and in homage to my teenage self), I put the song on my iPod that was the second most downloaded.

Do you think you can guess it?

Maybe?

No?

Don’t care?

It’s “Will He Really Answer Me?”

And the song with the most downloads?

Do you think you can guess it?

Maybe?

No?

Don’t care?

Well, it was “Be That Friend.” Seriously, that song was through the roof with the downloads.

So, if you’re lonely and one of the people who made it number one, take the song off repeat.

I’ll be that friend for you!

And if you have an LDS song that you love or loathe, drop me a line in the comments and we'll reminisce together!

*There is also an LDS Super Hits of the 90’s. (Just passing that along in case you wanted to get a head start on your Christmas shopping!)

Mini Friday Fluff

2008-08-01T08:52:00.000-07:00

First of all, this is why I haven’t been translated yet.

Did any of you guys think of this?

Maybe not the holding-hands-in-a-circle-outside-of-a-Chevron part , but the praying-in-gratitude part?

You’re better people than me.

_________________

Second of all, I have a little Q and A for you.

Q: What do you do when it’s hot and you need air circulation?

A: Turn on a fan. (I know some of you thought “Turn on the air conditioner.” But, I live with people who don’t believe in that. (Which then creates contention when I complain about it.) So, a fan it is.)

Q: What do you do when the fan is crappy?

A: Buy a new fan.

Q: What do you do when you realize that you bought the exact same crappy fan?

A: Take it back.

Q: What do you do when you can’t find the receipt and you really don’t feel like hauling the fan back and then “raising cain” with the customer service people over a $15 item?

A: You line up two crappy fan and let the wind tunnel begin.*

Have a great weekend!

Wait!! Before you go, I've decided that I want to add more people to my "Where It's At" link list. So, if you have a blog and wouldn't mind me linking to it, drop me a comment. (Or if you know of a blog that I should link to but haven't, let me know!)

I'm trying to expand my horizons here!

*This now makes three fans in my room. And, yet, I'm such a light sleeper that with all of them blowing, I still have my alarm set to "ocean waves" and wake right up.

Big Bear Bonanza!

2008-07-30T08:51:00.000-07:00

5 Things I learned while in Big Bear:

1. The Big Bear zoo makes me sad. All the animals there were abused, injured, or abandoned. There’s like a cloud of gloominess that hovers over the entire place. Yes, it’s a good thing to rescue animals and provide for them. Yes, I was happy to pay the larger fee because I knew it was going to animals that needed rehabilitation. (Like Huckleberry, the three legged bear. Poor old Huckleberry.)

But, holy moly, the dreariness of the place was palpable. All the animals would look at you with eyes that were saying “Just counting down the days until death. Sweet death.”

I don’t know if I’ll ever go back. The nephews liked it. But, they’re just kids, so the despair was lost on them.

2. I love the “House of Jerky.” First of all, due to its name. I think because it reminds me of “House of Pancakes.” Any establishment that dedicates itself to one item, and thrives, is okay in my book. (Well, as long as it’s not “House of Depressed Animals” which I’ve already mentioned I’m not a fan of.)

Second of all, because it makes me feel like a pioneer to leave with a little pack of jerky and think “I could trek across the great Big Bear landscape and survive the harsh clime with my jerky stash.”

I’m not as brave as some members of my family. I stick with the regular kind. I passed on the ostrich, buffalo, and venison.

3. I am now a huge fan of Mahjong! I learned how to play it this weekend from one of my sisters-in-law (Hi Daphne!) and fell in love with the game. (Even though I stunk at it.)

Now, if you’ve ever played a game with me, you will know that I’m not competitive. In fact, I will help other players win if I can. This was not the case with Mahjong. I don’t know if it was because it took me so long to get the concept, but I became set on winning. I didn’t, mind you (even though we played 7 games in a row). But, in my heart of hearts I wanted to be the Mahjong champion.

We’ve ordered two sets for my family, and soon I’m going to announce an upcoming “Mahjong Extravaganza Party!!” You’re all invited. But be forewarned, when I play with you, I’m going to try my best to crush you into dust (in a Christ-like manner, of course).

4. High tea is for me! In Big Bear they have this cute tea shop that is decorated to the nines. It’s like tea cup happiness exploded all over the ceiling. And they offer the “high tea” experience which means that they bring you a plethora of little foods to enjoy with your selection of teas. Tiny sandwiches of all varieties, tiny soup, tiny salad, and tiny scones, cakes, and muffins. I was in tiny heaven!

It was so much fun to go with my mom, sisters, and sisters-in-law and have time away from the boys to chat while using fancy cutlery and raising our pinkies. What a blast! Our only regret is that we didn’t realize (until we were leaving) that the hat rack filled with awesome hats were for the guests to wear during their tea. Oh well, next year!

The price of the whole thing made my brothers and father question our sanity. But, really, can you put a price on memories filled with little delights? Can you? I don’t think so.

5. I love my family!

Even in tight quarters with 7 people to a bathroom and 6 of us to a room.

Even with babies crying and children screaming and parents yelling.

Even with smeared chocolate mouths on new shirts and “Carry me!” on a long walk with a hurt back.

Even with slight disagreements over dishes and fierce competition over Mahjong.

In fact, I love them because of all those things! And can’t wait until next year when we do it again!!

Yay for families!!!!!*

Here are some pictures:

* And speaking of families, could you all do me a favor and say a little prayer for my brother Joe who has come down with a case of the Shingles? Yes, Shingles. Poor guy. It's terribly painful...

Upcoming Posts…

2008-07-29T13:27:00.000-07:00

1. Big Bear Bonanza

2. My Addiction to iTunes and what happened when I recently visited it.

3. Changing my World View and how’s that going.

4. Art and spiritual creativity. (Which I’ll probably put on my other blog.)

But, for now, in an effort to do nothing, I’ve been visiting your friends. (You know, the people you have linked to your blog that I don’t know.) Well, I’m looking at their blogs and sometimes commenting in a hopefully non-stalker-ish manner.

I’ve wanted to expand my horizons and your friends are how I’m doing it!*

What I’ve learned from this is that it is a tangled web we live in. I’ll stop by someone that you have on your blog and then swing over to someone they have on their blog, and then the next thing you know, I’m reading about someone’s trip down the Mississippi who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone that I know.

Weird. And a little confusing.

But lots of fun. Give it a try!

*Oh, and if there is a blog or website that you LOVE, drop me a comment so I can check it out! I'm always looking for something to do besides what I should be doing.

Friday Fluff…

2008-07-25T07:49:00.000-07:00

…in the news!

First, what do you think about my new blog design? I think it’s bright and happy! Maybe a little busy, but for now, I’m sticking with it.

________________

Can I just say how excited I am about Rachel and Katie’s Olympics party? I have the costume for my country all picked out. And my food representing that country, chosen.

But, I hope and pray that like China, Rachel and Katie institute this rule for any food brought by other party guests.

Cause if not, I’m not touching a thing!

_________________

Did you ever go through a phase where you hated your name? I know I did.

But, I now see that I had nothing to complain about.

What is wrong with people? I’m not a fan of the idea of “Big Brother” monitoring everything we do, but, sometimes I really think people should be forced to take some kind of test before they become parents.

I mean, what kind of a parent names their child Violence? A good one?

I don’t think so.

_________________

And lastly, if you know me, you know that if I don’t have a pocket or purse (and sometimes even when I do), I’ll store something in my bra.

Phone, money, lipstick, keys, glasses, they’ve all been stuffed next to my décolletage.

And, I’ll admit that there have been times when I’ve forgotten that something is in there, only to be surprised later when it falls out.

But, this? A live creature? Come on!

How could you not notice? And she’s so calm about it.

If I found a bat in my bra, you would still be hearing the echo of my screams.

___________________

Well, I hope you have a fabulous weekend. I’m off to Big Bear to be with my family for a little mini-vacation.

And not to worry, since I’m going to be in the foresty mountains, I’m going to be extra careful that what I put in my bra isn’t alive!

OPEN LETTER OF EXCITEMENT AND DISBELIEF!!!!! [Cue the bells and whistles and confetti]

2008-07-22T08:43:00.000-07:00

Dear 10,000^th Visitor,

Who were you? Come on, confess! I have a present for you! (Other than my undying love which is a given.)

I hope you were someone I know! Or at the very least someone who knows someone I know. Or someone who knows someone who knows me, but I don’t know them.

Really, I just hope you weren’t a spammer.

I’ve been hit by those recently and would be bummed if I had to give my “You’re Awesomely Awesome for Visiting Me” present to federal student loan or lottery gambling.

In any event, thank you! Thank you for stopping by, even if it was accidental, and you only looked at my blog for a nanosecond. I still love you!

So, tell me who you were so you can collect your gift*.

And come back soon!

Gratefully yours,

Liz

*Would it help you to confess if I told you about the present? Well, it’s a one-of-a-kind mixed media piece by yours truly entitled “To the Super Best Blog Reader in the World.” Who wouldn't want that?

Office Update

2008-07-21T12:07:00.001-07:00

I just realized that I’ve never shown you pictures of how I’ve transformed my little cubicle of despair.

It’s still gray.

It still only has a sliver of a window that overlooks my garden of air conditioning units.

And it’s still between two women who like to keep the room like a dark stifling dungeon.

But, I’ve made it much chipper! More chipper? Chippier? Maybe I shouldn’t use chipper? But just say happier? Well, you get the idea…

In case you don’t remember the absolute gloom of my original office condition, here’s a picture:

And now, here’s how I’ve livened it up:

This is a picture of my postcard collection. It adds a lot of color, don’t you think? Also, it’s a great tool for my meditation. When I need a little mental break, I just pick a card, let’s say, Oaxaca Mexico, and I focus on it and imagine myself there, really there, feeling the breeze on my skin as I’m being taken to the top of a pyramid to be sacrificed to the gods of humdrum.

Here’s a picture from another angle. As you can see, my back faces the opening of my tomb..er..cubicle. I have a mirror on my monitor to combat sneaky folks from sneakily sneaking up on me. And that sign on the back of my chair says “I can’t hear you. I’m wearing headphones.” You don’t know how many times people have started talking to me and I have no idea. And then they walk away thinking I’m rude, or mad at them or something. Hence the sign. I got tired of putting out fires.

This picture captures a couple of things. First, my window crack. (It looks much bigger in the picture than it feels in real life.) Second, a picture of one of my dead boyfriends, Mr. Walt Whitman. And third, my zen bonsai plant. Since I couldn’t see greenery out my window, I placed some in front of it.

Here’s a close up of the two little friends who came with my bonsai tree. I call them Chin and Steve. (Chin is on the left, holding a white scroll of ancient wisdom.) These guys really help me keep things in perspective. They’re always telling me “You are greater than your job. You hold infinite potential. Creative forces constantly flow through your life. Stop imagining your death in Oaxaca.” They’re great guys!

Well, there you go. Now you see where I spend the majority of my daylight time. (And you can be grateful that you don’t have to.)

I’ll leave you with a quote I have tacked up by my computer: “It is ordinary to love the marvelous, but it is marvelous to love the ordinary.” I don’t know who said that, but they were spot on! And I’m trying!!

Do you want to see it?

2008-07-14T12:20:00.000-07:00

Then look over here!

And then stay tuned on this blog for an explanation on the spiritual/mental/emotional transformation that occurred as I worked on it.

Visual Aids Inside My Mind

2008-07-11T09:23:00.000-07:00

A personal blog is all about sharing oneself with the world (or, really, the six people who know you have a blog).

And as I was thinking about that and how much I go on and on about myself, ad nauseam, I thought I’d do something new.

It’s still about me, of course, but instead of talking, I thought I’d show you. (Well, I guess I’ll have to do a little talking for explanation. So, maybe it's not new. It's just me blabbing on, but with pictures. Oh well...)

With that, here are the TOP FIVE Favorite Things in my bedroom:

1. This is my favorite picture. It’s of a crumbly old abbey in Ireland. You can't read the name of the abbey, but it’s “Hore Abbey.” I imagine it was an abbey for past women of easy virtue. When I go to Ireland, I’m tracking down this place and I’m going to frolic about with the cows.

2. This is my guitar. Isn’t it beautiful? I like to just hold it, and feel the wood grain as I beg its forgiveness for my lousy playing. You’d think after 3 years of lessons, I’d do better. Sigh… I haven’t named it yet, so if you have any suggestions, let me know! (I thought about Lucille, but I think that name is taken...)

3. This is my easel. It makes me feel all art-y just looking at it. The mixed media painting I’m working on (you can see its backside in the picture) is for Katie’s birthday. I’m about 6 months late. In my defense, this is actually the second painting I’ve started for her. The first one was given to Mr. A. Dumpster. It was horrible! This one’s coming along nicely. (Dear Katie, Please forgive me. I’m working really hard on your piece and am almost done. I’m only waiting for the quilting iron I ordered, so I can smooth out the beeswax, and then it's all yours. Pinky swear! Love, Liz)

4. This is my Shakespeare canister that holds all my paint brushes. I got it at Big Lots for $4.99. Yes, Big Lots. And I love it! Initially, I was trying to think of something else to store in it besides brushes. You know, something literary, like a scroll of some sort. But, I didn’t have any scrolls. So, then I put Post It notes in it, and that just seemed like a slap in the face to the entire creative world. So, brushes it is! I think Shakespeare would be okay with that.

5. And last, but not least, is my bedside carafe. I think everyone bedroom should have a carafe. Why, you ask? Well, first of all, when you wake up in the middle of the night, dying of thirst, you know you have clean water waiting for you. No dust in it. No hair. No bugs. Nothing! (Trust me; even if you’re half asleep, taking a swig of water with hair in it is no fun!) And, secondly, who doesn’t want to say “I have a bedside carafe.” Talk about being fancy!

Well, there you go friends. Some visual aids to help explain who I am, and what brings me joy!

If you want, take pictures of the five favorite things in your room and post them. (Or, if you don’t have a camera, write about your top five.)

I’d love to see (and hear) what you surround yourself with to make you happy!

A Digression (Or really, look over there...)

2008-07-09T13:58:00.000-07:00

I posted on my almost-a-complete-waste-of-time poetry blog.

Give it a look see, if you want.

Oh, and I've posted on my book blog, too. (In case you can't get enough of me...)

Question: What’s big, and heavy, and rectangle inside and out?

2008-07-08T14:09:00.001-07:00

Answer: A box of books!

So, I belong to a book society/group that sends me monthly catalogs of books I've never heard of. Most of the time, I don’t order anything. (I already have stacks of books to read, after all.)

But about a month or so ago, they sent me an email saying that if I send them $50, they’ll send me a surprise box of books.

Now, how could I pass that up!

What I expected to get was a bunch of junk—stuff I would NEVER read or purchase on my own. But, I’m a sucker for the element of surprise. So, I sent them my money, and then promptly forgot about the whole thing.

Until one magical day, when I walked up the stairs, and saw my front door. There, resting as a possible safety hazard, was a beautiful cardboard box with my name on it!

And inside, I found joy in the form of seven blessed books!

They weren’t crap!

I’d actually read them!

Yay!

In case you can’t read all the titles, here they are:

The Traditional Shops and Restaurants of London (Now I’m ready for my trip to this great city! Who’s with me?)

Elements of the Table (Throwing a fancy party and want to know how to wow your guests? Well, this is the book for that. You know I’m going to use this for my next event!)

Reading Like a Writer (You all know how my favorite books to read are books on how to read! This is perfect!)

Drives Like a Dream (This is a novel I’d never heard of, but since I’ve started to write another book, (Did I tell you guys that?), I’m reading as many books as I can to “study the craft.”)

Gatsby’s Girl (Another novel for craft studying! This one looks pretty interesting…)

Cakes and Ale (I’ve never read anything by W. Somerset Maugham, but have always wanted to.)

And last, but not least,

101 Best Scenes Ever Written (Could this be more perfect for me right now?)

I wish every day I could come home and find a box on my doormat filled with surprises.

Don’t you?

What a way to live!

How I spent yesterday on the job… (Of course, I’m leaving out the majority of my “work”, so as not to bore my reader(s).)

2008-07-02T08:45:00.000-07:00

- Stared out the crack of a window I have in my cubicle, wondering how I ended up here.

- Sat with Trainee as we went over a report that should have taken us 30 minutes but instead took us two and a half hours…and we’re still not done…guess how I’m spending today…sigh…

- Googled (That’s a verb now, right?) different words for “psychic.” Why, you ask? Can’t tell you. At least not yet. Possibly never. So, don’t hold your breath.

- Met with a guarantor rep. who tried to sell me on their financial literacy program. And yes, it was as exciting as it sounds.

- Realized that I’ve developed an annoying habit of spelling out words while adding “to the” in the middle of them. For example, here’s a sentence I actually said “Man, I really H to the A T E that song.” Heaven help me! (If I do this while talking to you, first, forgive me. Second, tell me to knock it off.)

- Stared out the crack of a window I have in my cubicle, wondering how I ended up here, and noticed that they added another unit in my air-conditioning garden.

- Walked to the university’s library to get 4 of the 23 books I’ve requested on freelancing while talking to Rachel on the phone. (I mean I was on the phone while walking to the library, and not that I have some weird need to freelance only while talking to Rachel—although that probably would be helpful since she’s hilarious.)

- Spent the majority of my lunch hour continuing my psychic research. Man, there’s a lot of stuff out there! And I do not recommend doing such research while at work because a) you can be taken to some questionable websites, b) if a co-worker happens to peek into your cubie, you have some explaining to do, and c) it’s so fascinating that you might spend your entire lunch hour on it and then feel sad that you didn’t go outside to escape the gray box of your work environment.

- Talked with my co-workers about food storage, and then tried to convince them that Mormons aren’t a bunch of kooks with ready-to-use bomb shelters for when it’s “the end of days”.

- Got roped into joining an office potluck. (Even though it broke the most sacred vow made on the head of my first born to never participate in voluntary potlucks. (Mandatory potlucks are another story.))

- Listened to the song “Love Will Keep Us Together” by Captain and Tennille about 10 times trying to figure out some words, only to realize I could have googled (verb) the lyrics in 10 seconds and satisfied my curiosity.

- Stared out the crack of a window I have in my cubicle, watching water drip from one of the units, while wondering how I ended up here.

Well, that was a bit of my yesterday. I'll spare you from what I did when I got home--part of which I'm ashamed of. (Let's just say it has something to do with a woman named Tori, and a man named Dean, breaking my other cardinal rule of never watching reality tv based on the lives of the semi-famous.)

Don’t you all wish you could trade lives with me?

Please?

Someone?

F.Y.I.

2008-06-24T16:37:00.000-07:00

I’ve been reading up a storm lately.

In fact, at one point last week, I had 5 books that I was reading at the same time. (Well, not at the EXACT same time, but you know what I mean, concurrently.)

And because I’ve been so engaged, I’ve had a lot on my mind.

To release what’s in my head so it doesn’t explode, I’ve decided that this week (and maybe the next), I’m going to bow out of my regular blog and focus on my book reading blog.

I know. Some of you are crushed. What will you do without all my witty repartee about my daily goings-on? (Cue sarcasm.)

Anyway, if you’re interested in the book thing, go here.

If not, then check back later next week. I’ll probably have something of remote interest to pass along to you by then. (Darn my boring life!)

Friday Foreshadowing Fluff

2008-06-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

Things to update you on (with a hint of foreshadowing future posts):

1. After a two week break (due to week-long trip and subsequent injury), I’ve finally caught up on reading all your posts. I might not have commented (because I’ve had to stealthily read them due to my new office location/little box that’s slowly killing my soul). But, I’ve read yours (yes, you) and I loved it!

2. Business trip went well, until I was returning home on Friday and hurt my back so badly that by Sunday night I was ready to write a letter to my next of kin distributing my worldly possessions, and then silently smother myself with my jumbo heating pad. But, don’t worry, I’m feeling better, and will soon regale you with stories of my adventure, like the 400 high school football players sharing my dorm, or the middle-aged baseball players who were there for some kind of knock-off fantasy camp, or my experience with the elderly at the planetarium. I know you can hardly wait!

3. I’ve decided to go to grad school. I’m sad about the whole thing, really. Practical Liz is so controlling. “You have to plan for the future! You’re no spring chicken! How are you going to retire without becoming a burden on society? It’s impossible to be independently wealthy without any wealth!” Poor fanciful, dreaming Liz! She didn’t stand a chance!

4. Thanks to those of you who came to my Grey Gardens party. I wouldn’t have been able to survive it without you! Truthfully, until watching it with you all, I had no idea it could be funny. I only thought it was horrifyingly tragic and hopeless. But, way to liven it up! Yay for funny friends! (Oh, and for those of you who couldn’t make it, don’t worry, I’m going to have another randomly themed party in the next few months. I’ll keep you posted. )

Well, that’s all folks!

And, Now, the Moment You’ve All Been Waiting For (Drum roll please…)

2008-06-06T07:56:00.000-07:00

It’s the end of spring!

And I thought we should celebrate with a garden party!

A “Grey Gardens” party…

Yes, we’re going to watch a movie that has “garden” in the title, but has nothing to do with springtime or happiness!!

Come sit* with me as I attempt (for the 3^rd time) to watch the most disturbing documentary I’ve ever partially seen.

Is there nudity? No.

Is there violence? No.

Is there a reclusive old lady, and her middle-aged daughter living in a crumbly mansion talking about the good ole days while wearing strange outfits and dancing around? You bet!

When: June, Friday the 13^th (eek!)@ 7pm

Where: Liz’s Apt. #131

What to bring: Yourself (If I know you, you’re invited!)

What to wear: Clothing that fits the theme. (So, something gray, garden-ish, or decrepit. It’s up to you!)

I hope to see you there!

*Warning: If tons of people show up (i.e. more than 5) you’ll probably have to sit on the floor…

(RSVP in the comments because I’m serious about the chair shortage.)

(P.S. Because of my "fantastic" business trip, I'll probably be MIA all next week. But don't worry, the party will still happen!)

Pre-Reveal Announcement

2008-06-04T08:18:00.000-07:00

So, it’s occurred to me that I might be the only one who will find my surprise party worth the surprise factor. (I mean even my sisters, who have been roped in to helping, were a little nonplussed.)

It’s quirky. I'll admit that. Definitely not your typical party-type event.

And some of you, once you hear what it is, might change your mind on attending.

Oh well, what can I do now? Cancel?

No, I’m too excited! (Even if no one else will be.)

So, I guess I should warn you that it’s a weird idea*. And that I won’t be offended if you decide not to come…

With that, I thought I’d help you put the two previous hints together to see if you can figure it out.

The first hint was a dried-up flower. Now, where would you expect to find a dried up flower? Maybe in someone’s uncared for yard?

The second hint was a head scarf from the 70’s. Now, who might be from the 70’s who wears a head scarf and has the problem from hint #1?

Hmm…

Oh, the intrigue!

You only have two more days before all will be revealed!!!

(*But, really, what did you expect from me?)

Friday Fluff

2008-05-30T09:02:00.000-07:00

Dear People of the World,

What is wrong with you? Put the phones down.

Seriously.

Best Regards,

Liz

___________________

Do you know a fella who needs a little help with his manliness?

Well, never you fear, there’s a website to fix that!

So, check this out, and soon your guy will be able to do all sorts of manly things, like “break down a door” or “write a love letter like a solider” or “survive a bear attack.”

Yay!

___________________

Oh, and there’s only two more weeks until my surprise Friday the 13^th event!

Are you excited?

Good!

Now, I’m not going to tell you what it is until next Friday, but I’ll give you another hint*…

So, put this clue with the one I gave you last week, and see if you can figure it out!

(*It has nothing to do with Rhoda, or Valerie Harper, but it DOES have something to do with what she’s wearing (and the time period). And no, you don’t have to wear a head scarf to the party, but you would get extra cool points if you did!)

Today's my Friday, so here’s a little fluff!

2008-05-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

Can you see this sweeping the nation?

Me neither.

I mean it’s cool and all, and I would probably visit the restaurant if I were in town.

But it seems like a lot of work just to get me my chicken cutlets two minutes faster. Don’t you think?

__________________

I’m thinking of adding this to my husbandy list. I mean, he should try to rescue me, right?

Although, maybe instead of a croc, I’ll just tell him he has to save me from the onslaught of newspaper sellers that accost me when I leave a super market.

I’d love him forever if he did that!

___________________

And lastly, I just wanted to remind you all to save Friday, June 13^th. You are, right? You’ve cleared your schedule and are planning on coming to my place, right? It’s only 3 weeks away!

Although, please remember that I’ll be getting back from my exciting (Can you hear my sarcasm?) business trip to Reno that day.

So, I’ll probably want to regale you all with stories of my adventures into “Ethical Standards and Application Process” or “Federal Methodology and Calculations.” (I’m getting the chills just thinking about how much fun I’m going to have. Like Christmas…)

But, I will be looking forward to seeing all of you that night!

“What are we doing, Liz?” you ask eagerly.

Do you want a little hint?

Okay, here you go!

(Oh, and I posted on my book blog. Did you forget I had one? Yah, me too...)

Note to Future Husband

2008-05-21T10:23:00.000-07:00

Being an old spinster (Is that redundant?), I’ve had plenty of time to think about things in my daily life that I don’t want to do if, no when (trying to be positive), I get married. I think that’s one of the problems of being single longer and living on your own. You know what you like, what you don’t like, and what you won’t compromise on. (At least what you think you won’t compromise on. (You’ll understand what I mean by this when you get to the end of this post.))

So, in the spirit of full disclosure, I've decided to continue with my "list of 5 things." This time focusing on 5 things my hubby would need to do. You’ll notice that some of the more husband-type jobs like “take out the trash,” “mow the lawn,” and “kill spiders” are not included. I feel those are givens in a marriage, and he should already be prepared to do them.

This list is just going to include things that he might not know fall into his domain…

Five things that my husband will need to do (to make me super happy, and thus, himself happy (because if I'm not happy, he'll have a hard time (not that I want to be difficult, but still, I have some requirements (Just as he should)))):

1. Picking avocados. (I’ve already discussed why in my previous post.) Actually, there’s a lot of produce I’m not good at choosing. So, I’ll probably put him in charge of all the fruit and veg selection. For example, I’m terrible at selecting kiwis, tomatoes, melons of any variety, and squash. If he doesn’t want to be in charge of this, then he must sign a waiver that he will never, EVER complain about the quality of produce I bring home, or that it was a waste of money because it wasn’t even edible. (And I'm serious about the signed waiver. I'm going to laminate it and put it on the fridge.)

2. Grocery shopping. Well, since I already want him to pick out the produce, he might as well do all the shopping. Mostly, because I hate grocery shopping. ( I feel there are too many choices, and I can’t ever decided and then the next thing you know it’s been 40 minutes and I’m still in the bread aisle reading all the labels. Stupid high fructose corn syrup! It’s in everything!! A pox upon you!!!) If he would do the grocery shopping, I would agree to never put any feminine hygiene products on the list. (Even though I would think he was a dork for being embarrassed to buy the stuff.) But, I’d make that compromise. (Oh, and remind me to tell you about the time my dad went to buy lady items for me, my sisters, and my mom. Hilarious!)

3. Allow me to sing songs to fall asleep. I do this often. (And I say “allow” not because I need his permission, but because I’m assuming we’ll be in the same room, and show tunes can be disruptive.) I have a hard time sleeping, and singing helps for some reason. (I think because it stops me from pondering. Once I begin pondering, I'm done for!) He would need to be understanding of this, and not make fun of me when I have to change keys in the middle of my rendition of “Sunrise, Sunset.” Besides, I'm sure he'd rather hear me sing a few songs, then keep him up all night as I talk about my interpretation of Jesus' "Sermon on the Mount" or how I feel about wax paper used as art.

4. Washing the dishes. I HATE WASHING DISHES! And I know about dishwashers, but I still feel you have to semi-wash before you put them in the dishwasher, and this annoys me. But, the only thing I hate more than semi-washing dishes is unloading the dishwasher and seeing all the junk that has now permanently hardened onto the cutlery. I detest that. So, he’ll have to wash. (I suppose I could compromise if he wants to cook some nights. But, if I cook, I won’t wash. I’m not a hired hand.)

5. Car stuff. My whole life I’ve had car problems. I’ve had blow-outs, stalls, semi-truck rubber from tires embedded in my grill (a HUGE piece), over-heated engines, rocks smashing glass, spins into oncoming traffic, batteries dying, green stuff leaking out everywhere, windows not rolling down, windows not rolling up, doors not opening, doors not closing, flat tires, shaking, swerving, and just about anything else you can imagine. All of this crappy car experience has made me a professional at handling problems. But, I don’t want to do any of it once I get married. I just want to call him and say “Hon, I’ve left the car on the 10 freeway. Deal with it.” (Oh, and just as a reminder, if you have to leave your car on the freeway blocking one of the lanes, ALWAYS leave a note explaining that you’ve gone for help. Police officers do not appreciate finding an abandoned car causing a traffic jam. Trust me.)

Well, there you have it. The first five things on my list! I have about 15 more, so I’ll probably post on this again.

Having a list this big makes me a little worried that I’m never going to find anyone to fit the bill. And what’s interesting to me is that the older I’ve gotten, the more the list has changed. (It’s gone from things like “be a returned missionary” to “does not spend the majority of his income on entertainment.”)

It makes me a little sad to see how cynical I’ve become as I’ve noticed more and more that women do a lot, if not most, of the compromising. Not in every marriage, of course, but many.

This is actually part of one of the more reflective posts I have coming up. So, all you married and single people, start thinking about either the relationship you’re in, and/or one’s you’ve observed, and get ready for a conversation on marriage, women, and feminism. (And not crazy feminism, just helpful kind.)

‘Cause, it’s a comin’!

Confession Time!

2008-05-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

I have two very ponder-ish posts coming up. (Full warning!)

So, I’d thought I’d keep this week light and fluffy to off-balance the upcoming deep thoughts.

With that, here are…

Five Things I’m not good at:

1. Picking avocados. (They’re always weird inside. Not hard, but discolored and looking rotty. I always select more than I need because I know half of them won’t be edible. If I ever marry [silent prayer to the heavens], picking avocados will be his job.)

2. Driving with the Spirit. (As soon as I enter the car, the anger at my fellow man rises exponentially. I’m not one to curse, but I get darn close! (Sometimes, too close.))

3. Taking compliments. (I always assume someone’s just being polite (i.e. lying) or they want something from me.)

4. Small-talk. (I hate it. And this is why I also hate large gatherings/parties. All you can really ever do at those occasions is small-talk. I much prefer intimate groups where you can really discuss some deep ideas. Really, I feel small-talk is a waste of my time.)

5. Calling people back. (I’m really sorry about this one. Really. I hope I haven’t offended any of you by not returning your call. It’s just, I hate the phone. More specifically, I hate leaving messages. I get really panicked about it. Seriously. I’m very self-conscious about my messages. (And I know what you’re going to say “Liz, I love your messages. They crack me up!” But, you’ll have to look back at #3 to see why I don’t agree with you.))

So, there you have it! Just a small sampling of my many weaknesses/foibles/neuroses.

I know you have some. (We all do.) Maybe you should do a post on five of your own?

Or, drop me a line in the comments and share one!

A Snapshot of My Saturday

2008-05-19T09:22:00.000-07:00

You ever have a day when nothing really went wrong, per se, but the things you had to do were somehow complicated by outside forces?

Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about.

On Saturday I had a 40-minute window to do my grocery shopping for the week.

(1^st digression: Must I ALWAYS pick the squeaky jerking cart? Really? Every time? I see other people with their carts smoothly sailing through the aisles, while I shake, shudder, and swerve my way through the store like I’m having an epileptic fit.)

I rush through the store, wobbling as I go, and make it to the check out in 25 minutes. (2^nd digression: Anyone else hating grocery shopping? Or is it just me?)

I pay for my stuff, and head to my car. I now have ten minutes to drive home, and haul up my groceries before I have to leave.

Now, here’s where a simple task is complicated.

I get to my place, and just as I’ve loaded up my arms with all the bags they can hold (Gina can testify that I load myself up pretty darn good!), and start to make my way to my apartment, a bug flies into my mouth and hits the back of my throat.

Under normal circumstances, a person would use a finger to try to get it out, but I couldn’t actually lift my arms because of the weight of my produce. So, I do the next best thing, I spit.

I spit big time! (Because the bug was way in the back. (Am I over sharing?))

And where did I spit?

You guessed it.

Directly into my groceries!

(Everyone say “gross” with me.)

Once I got into my apartment, I then had to spend an extra 10 minutes I didn’t have, carefully going through each bag because I couldn’t remember which one I spit in to.

The lesson I learned from this: next time, eat the bug. It’s high in protein anyway.

Definitely NOT Friday Fluff

2008-05-16T09:34:00.000-07:00

So, I made trainee cry yesterday.

Yes, cry.

It wasn’t intentional. It’s not like I yelled at her, or even spoke harshly. I didn’t tell her she stunk, or was lousy, or made me want to slice my throat with a letter opener.

No. I did none of those things.

But, I did say that it’s been over two months now, and soon, I’m not going to be able to do 70% of her work, nor review everything she does to check for errors. I told her that she will need to increase her speed in order to handle her workload and that if she can’t, we’ll have to come up with a plan because again, I can’t keep doing it. I have my own job.

And after I left, she started crying. And her officemate called in the assistant director of my department to handle her tears.

And eventually, it came back to me. “What more can you do, Liz, to help trainee?”

“Well, since I’m doing more than half of her work already, I’m not sure.”

“Let’s meet in my office on Monday to form a proactive plan.” says the asst. director.

“Okay.” I say, trying to now hold back my own tears. (I hate futile meetings.)

Later, trainee apologized to me and said she was really embarrassed to have cried. She just felt overwhelmed. I can understand that. I’ve felt (and feel) overwhelmed often.

But, I still do my job.

I don’t know. I’m just exhausted from having to deal with it all…

On a unrelated note, I’ve decided dreams are for ninnies. (Yes, ninnies.)

And I’m no longer going to have any.

I’m just going to be practical and boring.

Q: How do you know you’re too tired to go to work?

2008-05-13T12:29:00.000-07:00

A: Once you get there, you spend half the day with your shirt on inside out.

Friday Fluff? Sort of...

2008-05-09T08:56:00.000-07:00

Five Annoying Things about Yesterday

1. I had a squeaky shoe. A really squeaky shoe. An I'm-not-walking-unless-I-absolutely-have-to squeaky shoe. (And it was a horrible squeak, not a little funny one.)

2. I had a song stuck in my head the WHOLE DAY!!! (Which song, you ask? “Africa” by Toto. I almost had to kill myself.)

3. I was called, about 64 times, by my trainee asking me things we’ve already been over 64 times. “Did you double click?” (I don't know why she keeps forgetting this.)

4. I got a bloody nose while I was talking to a coworker. It was incredibly random and incredibly embarrassing.

5. I had a headache.

One Wonderful Thing about Today

I don’t have a headache!!!! (Which makes me happy because I was afraid I had an aneurysm or something.)

Headache 2008

2008-05-08T09:28:00.000-07:00

This is day 6 of my headache.

Now, it feels like I have a really tight rubber band around my head. Not debilitating, but enough to make everything else in the world seem like crap and not worth the effort.

And this worldview has made me alter all my plans this week, including my goal to write an incredibly witty and insightful blog post.

But, I did want to mention that my surprise on June 13^th might have to change to the 14th.

I’ve just found out that I’m being sent on a week-long business trip, and won’t be returning until the 13^th. At this point, I don’t know my flight plans, and I’d hate to have the surprise without me!

When I get more details, I’ll let you know*.

*And in case you’re interested (probably not), it’s a solo business trip in Reno. I think I’m going to take this opportunity to get myself involved in a little debauchery**.

**Who am I kidding? Got any good book suggestions? I’m going to have a lot of alone time, sitting in my dorm room at UNR.

Sigh... A Monday Morning...

2008-05-05T08:18:00.000-07:00

So, I've had a headache since Saturday.

Yesterday, I thought my brain was exploding.

This morning, I think there are small men inside my scull trying to chisel out a miniature Mount Rushmore.

And this has caused me forget my cell phone as I dragged myself to work.

It's not like tons of people call me. (I mean, it's a red letter day if one person calls me.)

But, it's always times like this when on the way home from work my tire explodes. And I have to push my way past nefarious characters to get to a pay phone, which is sticky, and I feel like I need to bleach my entire body just to get the "city" off me.

Here's to hoping that doesn't happen...

Happy Monday!

A brief Friday Fluff moment (because I'm currently having a nervous breakdown due to my trainee...)

2008-05-02T08:52:00.001-07:00

First, did you guys hear about this?

Ew! And also, awesome!

Second, did you read about this?

Ew! And also, awesome!

Third, did you see this?

Cute! And also, awesome!

Well, that's all I've got the mental energy for*.

See you next week!

*Could you please all pray that my trainee catches on soon. Seriously. She's killing me...

[Oh, and I hope all of you who live close to me will save Friday, June 13th. I have a surprise for you and I'm giving you 6 weeks notice!!!!!]

Question: How Many Cats is Too Many?

2008-05-01T08:31:00.000-07:00

Or, maybe the better question would be: Are there ever too many cats?

My trainee has 9 cats.

NINE!

What in the world?!

I didn’t even know what to say when she told me.

But, I thought “Well, that explains a lot!”

And then I thought “Liz, you are a very un-Christ-like person and should repent.”

And then I thought “Okay, you’re right. I’ll start tomorrow.”

_________________________

I found out she had nine cats because she came in to work with a bazillion mosquito bites.

And I said “What did you do last night? Sleep out on the open plains?”

She then explained that her husband jimmy rigged an outdoor enclosure off the master bedroom window, so her cats could go outside, but not wander away.

They’re all indoor cats.

Can you imagine?!

Question: How many Blogs are too many?

2008-04-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

I've done it!

I've created my literature blog!!

And I now officially participate in 6 blogs.

I think that's too many...

Oh well.

You can check out the blog here. (I've also added it to my sidebar.)

So, go take a look. And tell your friends about it!

Confession Time

2008-04-24T08:20:00.000-07:00

So, I’m not a big movie person. Some people find this weird.

But, I didn’t realize just how weird I was until I was talking to a co-worker of mine, and she asked me what the last movie I saw in a theater was. And after thinking about it for like 5 minutes (seriously) it dawned on me that is was P.S. I love you.

And my co-worker looked at me in horror and disbelief, saying “But, that was last year!!”

My response: “Oh, really?”

That’s right friends. I have yet to see a movie in a theater this year!

It’s not that I don’t want to watch any movies. I do! It’s just that I never get around to going out to see them and then I completely forget about them. At this point, if a movie comes out that I’d like to see, I automatically save it on my Netflix because I know I’ll forget about it. (And then years later, someone mentions the movie at some kind of social gathering, and I’m the only dumbo who’s never seen it and I feel like a social pariah.)

So, please friends, next time you’re going to the movies, give me a call. I need to report back to my co-worker that I do actually watch movies. (I have a hard enough time explaining to people that I don’t watch reality TV shows.)

Oh, and thank you for still being my friends even though I’m slightly quirky. (But, really, aren’t we all?)

[This is unrelated, but if you're interested in participating in the literature blog, read the comment I left on my last post!]

Do you really need ANOTHER Blog, Liz? (You already have two that aren't so great...)

2008-04-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, I do.

“Why?” you ask.

Because I was so excited about the responses I got on my last post (about forming a literature group).

“What does that have to do with a new blog?”

Well, as I was thinking of how best to facilitate my group, I thought that a blog would be a wonderful idea.

“Why would you think that?”

Let me explain… You know when you’re reading a book, and you come across a passage or chapter that you don’t get, or one that you love, or a character you hate, and you just need to talk to someone about it?

“Yes.”

Well, that’s what the blog will be for! A place you can immediately go to and quickly jot down your thoughts. A place where you can cry, or yell, or commiserate. A place where you can say “I hate this book!” or “This book is changing my life!” Where you can ask “What do you think he’s saying here?” Or “Did you notice all the ‘red’ images in the first chapter?” The blog will be a place where you can come and talk it out.

“Are you still going to meet in person for literary discussions?”

Yep! But, not everyone might be able to make it to the meetings (Nor be interested in every book we’re going to read). So, the blog will be a place where they can offer their opinions and insights, as well as, keep up with what we’re reading next (or skip ahead to a book they find more to their liking).

“Well, I guess that sounds like a good idea.”

Thank you! And please tell all your friends about it. Having a blog will mean that people all over the country, nay, the world, will be able to participate!

So, stay tuned for more information.

(And get Don Quixote. We’re going to begin next week!)

School, oh, how I miss you!

2008-04-21T13:40:00.000-07:00

[Warning: This is a long post as I reminisce about days gone by, while trying to drum up interest in my new idea. So, if you don't have the time, just scroll down about 2/3rds of the way and begin reading at "Here's my plan."]

Those of you who know me, might find the title of this post a little puzzling, because I complained about going to school the entire time I was in it (which means the entire time you’ve known me seeing as I was in school for about 50 years (at least it felt like 50, but I guess it was more like 27, which is still an incredibly long time and makes me feel like an old lady…)).

While I was in school, I was miserable. The exams, the professors, the students, the assignments, etc., I hated the whole lot of it. But, there was one thing I loved: good discussions!

Sometimes, (rarely, I’ll admit), I would be in a class and a conversation would start about whatever book/essay/short story/poem we were reading. Time would fly by as tons of interpretations and ideas were discussed. It was in these moments when I really learned, when my mind would begin to make connections between the symbolism in the novel and my own life, when something written by a stranger seemed like it was written for me.

These were powerful, life changing moments. And, I’ve missed having them.

It’s almost been a year since I stopped going to school, and it’s been nice. I’ve felt like I’ve been on vacation. To be able to leave work, go directly home, and do anything I’ve wanted for the remainder of the evening has been a treat.

I’ve read. I’ve composed songs on my guitar (don’t laugh). I’ve written a book and numerous poems. I’ve painted. (I’m going to finish your painting, Katie. I promise.) I’ve gone out with friends. Yes, I’ve had a glorious time.

But, I’ve missed having literary discussions. I’ve missed challenging myself.

So, I’ve decided to do something about it: I’m starting a literature group.

What’s a literature group, you ask? Is it like a book group? Well, sort of.

Let me explain…

In a book group, everyone decides on a book, reads it (at least most do), and then gets together to talk about it. But, they usually get side-tracked with other fun things to talk about and the next thing you know, the entire evening has gone by and you’ve barely even mentioned the title. Book groups are really fun, but not always a serious discussion about the novel.

A literature group differs in that way. It’s still supposed to be fun, but it’s far more focused on the intricacies of the chosen book. In this type of group you will talk about the symbolism, the structure, the tone, the character development, etc. This group is all about the details.

And this is the kind of group I want to start.

Now, I know by saying this, just about everyone reading said a loud “Ugh, I don’t want to be a part of that kind of group. It sounds boring and a lot of work.” Let me respond to that by saying “I promise it won’t be!”

You also might be thinking that you don’t want to be in that kind of group because you’re not the “literary” type. To that I say “Bah Humbug!” I’m not looking for English majors, or big readers, or deep thinkers, or any specific kind of person. (And, anyhow, you’d be surprised at how the right questions can prompt a whole flurry of thought.)

I’m looking for people who can read and can talk. So, that includes you!!

Here’s my plan. I have a book that’s all about reading. (You know how I love to read about reading.), and in it, the author has organized a chronological reading list in 5 areas (Novel/Autobiography and Memoir/ Histories and Politics/ Dramas and plays/ poetry).

I’m going to start with the Novel section, and work my way through the list. A lot of them I have already read (so, those I’ll just refresh myself on) and some I’ve never attempted. I was going to do this on my own (and still will), but then I thought I’d open it up to all of you in case some else might be interested.

And, hence, the Literature Group!

Now, this may not be your cup of tea. And I completely understand that. I’m a very systematic person, so I like things chronologically organized. I like analyzing what I’m reading. I like heated discussions about tone or symbolism or characters. And you may not. That’s okay. I’m not going to think any less of you if you’re not interested at all.

Also, you might have other things on your plate and the last thing you need is another assignment. Heaven knows all the things I had to turn down because I was so swamped with life.

But, if you are interested, and want to challenge yourself (and help me do the same) let me know!

I’m open to how we do this. We could meet in person every month, or we could use email. (Or both). I don’t even care if I don’t know you. This offer is open to strangers!

Or people who read my blog, but have never commented before.

Or, my grandma! (Hi, grandma!)

And just to give you an idea of what I’m going to be reading and discussing (even by myself), here’s the list of novels:

Don Quixote
The Pilgrim’s Progress
Gulliver’s Travels
Pride and Prejudice
Oliver Twist
Jane Eyre
The Scarlet Letter
Moby-Dick
Uncle tom’s Cabin
Madame Bovary
Crime and Punishment
Anna Karenina
The Return of the Native
The Portrait of a Lady
Huckleberry Finn
The Red Badge of Courage
Heart of Darkness
The House of Mirth
The Great Gatsby
Mrs. Dalloway
The Trial
Native Son
The Stranger
1984
Invisible Man
Seize the Day
One Hundred Years of Solitude
If on a winter’s night a traveler
Song of Solomon
White Noise
Possession

Now, I bet a lot of those you’ve already read, or have always wanted to read but have never gotten around to it.

So, think about it. But, no pressure, though.

Really, I’m fine doing it on my own. After all, I have my family I can bombard with my thoughts.

They’re used to it!!

Hey, look over there!

2008-04-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

So, check out my poetry blog to read about my P.I.Y.P. day results!

I was surprised by the whole thing.

And so were my co-workers.

No one expects you to say "Good morning! Here's a poem for you."

I Can't Multi-task...

2008-04-15T10:29:00.000-07:00

So, this week, I'm going to be posting on my other blog.

If you're interested in poetry, check it out.

If not, come back next week, and I'll have something new.

Pinky Promise!!

Definitely NOT Fluff…

2008-04-11T10:27:00.000-07:00

On Wed. night, I became an aunt for the fourth time!! Yay!

(And I spent a few hours on Thurs. watching and holding him. And that’s my plan for tonight, Saturday, Sunday, and so forth.)

Initially, we were calling him “Little Joe” to differentiate him from my brother, Joe. But then Ashlee, my sister-in-law, went in for an ultra-sound and the doctor thought he had a large head. So, we started calling him “Little Big Joe” and the name has stuck.

Ashlee ended up having a c-section (he has a big head, after all), and is doing very well. She’s already been up and walking around.

In case you’re interested, here are LBJ’s stats (the baby, not the President):

Weight: 9 lbs 7oz
Length: 22 inches
Chest: 14 inches
Head: 14 ½ inches!

Yes, his head is a little larger than his chest cavity. And no, he doesn’t look freakish!

To prove that, here are some pictures…

See! A sweet, darling newborn baby!!!

Back with a Bang (or, really, just a long post, not a bang, because "bang" makes you think of something exciting, and this isn't)

2008-04-09T11:46:00.000-07:00

So, in case the four of you who read my blog haven’t noticed, I’ve been on a blog break.

And it’s been mutual. I’ve been sick of my blog and my blog has been sick of me. But, because I’ve received a few (okay, one (thanks, Rachel)) request(s), I’ve come out of my self-imposed moratorium and have decided to post again.

I thought I would catch you all up on what this last month at work has been like—you know, since I’ve been training my job replacement.

To give you a sense of what I’ve been enduring, I’m going to reproduce (to the best of my ability (and with some creative license (but not much))) a little bit of a training session I had yesterday.

And I’m going to do it in the form of a one act, one scene play.

“LET ME SAY IT AGAIN: IN ONE-ACT”

CAST

LIZ: mild-mannered, kind, intelligent, and down-to-earth woman in her early 30’s who is hoping to hit it big as a poet, but realizes that that is a pipe-dream because no one hits it big as a poet, even people with talent, so she has resigned herself to her job, and is just hoping that her new trainee will make it through the rest of the year.

TRAINEE: she’s a nice woman in her early to mid 40’s who needed a job, any job, so that she could have insurance, and a 401k plan. She’s in her 40’s, after all, and needs to plan for retirement.

ACT 1: SCENE 1

In a brightly lit room are two desks, across from each other in opposite corners, one by a door, and the other by the room’s only window. The room is sparsely decorated, with big filing cabinets against every wall, like a mausoleum of paper. At the desk by the window, sits LIZ. She’s looking out at the view of trees and grass with a look of longing in her eyes.

LIZ (in a depressed whisper): Oh foliage, how I’ve missed you…

In walks TRAINEE. LIZ gets up from her old desk with a sigh, and TRAINEE sits down. LIZ pulls up a chair and both women turn towards the computer.

LIZ: Okay, this morning we’re going to download a few things to your desktop to be used as a reference while you verify files.

TRAINEE: Sounds good.

LIZ: First let’s go the website to download the files.

TRAINEE: Okay, how do I do that?

LIZ: Open up “Internet Explorer” and go the website I placed in your favorites.

TRAINEE attempts to do that by clicking on the “Word” icon, and not the “Explorer” icon. Soon, 7 word documents appear on the computer. LIZ gets frustrated with each incorrect click of the mouse.

LIZ (In a sweet tone): No, you click right here, on the “e” for “Explorer.” “W” stands for “Word.”

TRAINEE: Oh, yah.

After a few minutes, and additional assistance from LIZ, TRAINEE gets to the right website.

LIZ: Okay. So now I need you to click on the sentence that says “Handbook: Volumes 1-6.”

TRAINEE: Where?

LIZ (a little impatiently): Right here, (pointing with her finger), the only sentence highlighted in blue that says “Handbook: Volumes 1-6.”

TRAINEE clicks on it. Nothing happens.

LIZ: Double click. Remember how I said that sometimes you have to double click on things? (Said nicely to make up for her initial irritated tone.)

TRAINEE: Oh, yah.

LIZ: Okay. Now, you see the list of all the volumes? We are going to have to download each one, and place it on your desktop. So, click on the first one… Good… And select “Master” because that will include everything for that volume…Good…Now let’s save that to your desktop.

TRAINEE: How do I do that?

LIZ: Click on File, Save as, then select Desktop.

TRAINEE: Okay.

A few seconds go by as TRAINEE sits there, not doing anything.

LIZ: Go here…then here… then select “desktop.” Good. Now, go on to volume 2.

TRAINEE clicks on volume 2.

TRAINEE: Which option do I choose?

LIZ (In a slightly annoyed tone): “Master.” You want the master for each volume.

TRAINEE: And where do I save it to?

LIZ: Your desktop. You’re going to want to save each volume to your desktop. Remember I just said that?

TRAINEE: Oh, yah. Okay.

TRAINEE goes through the process and saves volume 2 to her desktop. And then stops.

TRAINEE: Now what?

LIZ: Go on to the third volume. Remember, we have to do all 6 volumes.

TRAINEE: Okay. (She clicks on vol. 3 and pauses.) I need the Master version, right?

LIZ: Yes.

TRANIEE: And now I save it to my desktop, right?

LIZ: Yes.

TRAINEE proceeds to download vol. 3.

TRAINEE: Okay. Now, do I load vol. 4?

LIZ: YES! (Said gruffly.) We have to load all the volumes. (Said nicely to soften the early gruffness.)

TRAINEE: And I need to load the Master one?

LIZ: YES!! YOU NEED TO LOAD EVERY MASTER COPY!! (Said sharply and with definite irritation.)

TRAINEE: Okay. (She clicks on vol. 4). And I load it on…

LIZ: Your desktop! You load it all on your desktop.

TRAINEE: Okay. (She loads it.)

LIZ: Now, on to 5.

TRAINEE: Okay…

LIZ (Interrupting): Master

TRAINEE: Okay…

LIZ (Interrupting): Desktop. Now go on to 6.

TRAINEE: O…

LIZ (Interrupting): Master

TRAINEE: I…

LIZ (Interrupting): Desktop.

LIZ looks longingly out her former window, remembering a simpler time…

END SCENE

So there you have it. I think I’m going to have to up my loving-kindness meditation, because the half hour is not making me feel loving or kind anymore…

Please pray for me to develop more patience.

An Office With a View...

2008-03-22T16:52:00.000-07:00

So, this week has been dreary, dismal, and depressing.

My trainee is nice, and I think she'll do well (although she's a chatter). But, my new office environment has been a challenge to say the least.

I've loved everyone's suggestions on how I could revamp my cubie and give it some pizazz, so I thought I'd give you another picture so you could put your creative hat on and come up with some ways I could improve my view.

Now, it's hard to tell from this picture, but I have the awesome view of 5, yes 5, different styles of air conditioning units. Aren't I a lucky gal? (Although, I can see little leafy tree tops if I lean over my desk and crain my neck sharply to the right)

I've thought about bringing some of my acrylic paints to work and painting my own little garden over the window, but I don't know how "management" would like that.

Maybe I could just cut foliage out of a magazine and tape it up there?

A decorative mini curtain that's connected to my gray fabric cubicle wall?

Any suggestion would be welcome...

A Promotion... sort of

2008-03-16T15:08:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow (Monday) I begin training my work replacement*.

And I’m dreading it.

Not because I don’t like the woman we selected for the job, because I do (although, my fingers are crossed that she likes it enough to stay). And not because it’s a pain in the butt to have to train someone in the minutia of your world (although, it is).

But, because I have to leave my current office and move into a cubical. Yes, I received a promotion and it’s located in a cubical.

Now, I don’t have anything against cubicles, per se. I’m sure they do a fine job dividing a large area into small pretend-ly separate areas. But, my problem is that when you receive a promotion, you assume it also means a promotion of location.

In my case, it’s the opposite. I have to leave my office with a big window, and plenty of space (you know, in case I actually want to turn around in my chair), and go to a little box devoid of life and creativity.

Ugh.

To give you a feeling of what I’m talking about, I’m going to show you a few pictures.

Here’s where I was. Notice the large window. From it you see a parking lot, trees, and a dorm. I’ve been able to watch the goings on of college kids for the last couple of years (which can be quite entertaining, as you can imagine).

Here’s another angle. See how bright and cheery it is. Notice my postcard wall that documents all my many travels (well, a third of them are mine, the others are from my co-workers). Look at my nice faux cherry wood desk with plenty of leg room. How luxurious!

And now, here’s where I’m moving. Sigh of despair....

As you can see, this picture encompasses the whole area. No need for another angle. (In fact, it would be impossible to take a picture from another angle.) I barely have room to back up in order to get out. You’ll also notice I have a sliver of a window (which is lucky, I know, most people in cubicles don’t get that). The window over looks the rooftop with a lovely variety of air conditioning vents. No foliage whatsoever.

You’ll also notice the difference in lighting. That’s because the two ladies I share the office with don’t like a lot of light. So, we sit in the dark. Oh, and because one of them has arthritis, the temp is about 80 degrees.

Yippy! A dark, stuffy tomb of depression!!

Aren’t I a lucky gal?

*So, because I’m going to be busy training and feeling dejected in my gray box of average, it’s very likely that I won’t be posting on my blog this week, and maybe the next. (Not that I only post while I’m at work, but,…well, actually I do normally post at work [during a break, of course] {wink, wink}).

Another Mini Milestone

2008-03-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

I’m a copier, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I copy great ideas!

So, when Rachel posted this, I knew that when I reached my 100th post, I was going to do the same thing.

Of course, then I thought that it might not be such a good idea because people could compare my list with Rachel’s and realize that she is by far the more interesting of the two.

But, since Rachel called it “100 mostly uninteresting things,” I decided to take a stab at it.

So, with that, here’s the list of 100 mostly uninteresting things about me:

1. I love bananas,
2. unless they’re cooked.
3. Then I’d rather eat lint.
4. I have a pair of pompoms in the back seat of my car
5. just in case I need them.
6. I’ve always wanted to play Dungeons and Dragons (with costumes and everything)
7. but don’t know anyone who plays it.
8. I wear headphones at work
9. even though I’m not listening to anything
10. to avoid talking to my office mate.
11. I write notes on the back of my hand
12. even if there is paper around.
13. I love reading about politics
14. but I hate discussing them.
15. I hate contention.
16. I also hate competition.
17. I think Satan came up with both of them.
18. And, I hate Florida too,
19. but have never been there (Sorry, Floridians!).
20. When driving, and a great song comes on, I do a funky hand dance.
21. I’m embarrassed about it.
22. So, no one has ever seen it in its full glory. (And no one ever will.)
23. I was in an Independent Film in High School.
24. I played “White Girl 1” and had 2 lines.
25. Then “White Girl 2” backed out, so my lines doubled and
26. included the last line of the movie.
27. which was “You know what you get when you mix black and white together? Gray.”
28. I was also on the news when I was in High School.
29. It happened outside the Arsenio Hall show (Do you remember that one? Were you in the Dog Pound?)
30. I was there with my super best friend Chelsea (Who was also on the news with me.)
31. We were there to see New Kids On The Block.
32. And we were asked by a news crew to talk about what we would do if we met them.
33. I said “I would thank them for helping get through my teenage years.”
34. Chelsea said “I would probably die.”
35. One of my favorite words is “vestibule.”
36. I rarely have an opportunity to use it.
37. I also like “jejune”.
38. I don’t use that one, either, because I don’t like being pretentious.
39. My favorite poet is Gerard Manley Hopkins.
40. Not many people have heard of him.
41. But everyone should read his work, OUTLOUD, to hear the beautiful alliteration.
42. I love alliteration,
43. (almost above all else).
44. I can only remember 3 teachers from Elementary School.
45. One from Junior High,
46. And 2 from High School.
47. I have a terrible memory.
48. Even about other things, like family stuff, and childhood friends. (Did I have any?)
49. But, I never forget a face.
50. Ever. It kind of creeps me out because I can’t place the face, I just know I’ve seen it before.
51. I like strawberry shakes,
52. But not strawberry ice cream.
53. I don’t like cucumbers.
54. Even the smell of them makes me sick.
55. So, I have to be careful what kind of beauty products I buy because cucumber scent is a very popular ingredient.
56. I rarely watch a movie more than once.
57. Unless I think it has multiple layers that need to be plumbed.
58. Most movies today don’t qualify.
59. Most of the movies I own are black and white.
60. I like “Xena, Warrior Princess.”
61. Yes, I do. Think what you will.
62. And no, I don’t think there are depths to be plumbed in Xena.
63. I just love women kicking butt.
64. I hate movies where the woman waits to be rescued.
65. I also love war movies.
66. But, I have a hard time getting through them.
67. Not because of the blood (that doesn’t bother me)
68. But because I think of all their families who never saw them again.
69. I’m the oldest of 50 grand children.
70. I’m glad the number turned out even.
71. If it had been odd, that would have bothered me.
72. I love being part of a big family.
73. But, I want to live alone.
74. At least for a little while.
75. My two favorite cereals have only one word as their name:
76. Kix and Pops.
77. But, I don’t ever eat them
78. Because they have no nutritional value.
79. I eat Cream of Wheat
80. for the iron.
81. It makes me feel like an old lady to eat something for iron.
82. My favorite non-chocolate candy is Hot Tamales.
83. They have no nutritional value either.
84. I don’t have a favorite chocolate candy.
85. But when I’m in Cost Plus World Market, I buy chocolate from different countries.
86. It makes me feel all fancy
87. And a “woman of the world”.
88. I’d like to write one masterpiece that changes the world,
89. And all kids would have to read it in High School,
90. And then I would never write again.
91. And become a recluse.
92. The creepiest show I’ve ever attempted to watch was “Grey Gardens.”
93. I’ve never gotten through the whole thing. (Anyone want to watch it with me?)
94. I think because I’m afraid that could be my future, minus the wealth and family connections.
95. I leave dorky, rambling phone messages when I call my friends.
96. I’m somehow compelled to tell the person my entire daily schedule, including my 5 year plan, even when the only thing I need to ask is what time the movie starts.
97. This is why I avoid calling people. I fear they won’t answer, and I’ll sound like an idiot.
98. I’ve always wanted to accomplish something incredible.
99. I figure I have about 30 more years to do it.
100. I’m just not sure what it is yet.