Friday, August 12, 2011

For Hannah

So, on my last post, Hannah left the most hilarious comment that I decided to use her 4 blog post suggestions.

Here are my responses (in bold):

1) Sometimes when the moon is full and the sky is clear I like to drink a hot chocolate (the spicy Mexican kind) and remember the time I used to not like the spicy Mexican hot chocolate. The year was 2010, I remember it well mostly because it was last year, and I have a fairly good short-term memory, but also because that was when Mark Paul Gosselaar adopted a feathered-haired pastafarian child from Nauru with the help of UNICEF. (Though, I may have him confused with someone else doing something else.) Inspired by this, I embarked on my own adventure to adopt a feathered hairstyle, and then decided to cover up my folly with a pastafarian strainer “hat,” which I went to purchase at Walmart (sponsored by UNICEF). There I witnessed a murder (of human courtesy) in the aisle of a clearance sale over some plastic jewels a young man had stolen by dropping them down the back of his grandmother’s sweatervest, and the ruckus of said murder (of human courtesy) ruined, even further, my poor execution of Farah’s iconic hairstyle. During my harrowing/other-worldly/soul-withering experience, I learned the important life lesson of dance, namely, that it should not be done in the aisle of a clearance sale at Walmart. I laughed, I cried, I contemplated the meaning of life, but most important of all, I wrote it all down for Hannah.

2) If I had to choose between being Grace Kelly or Dolly Parton I would choose Grace Kelly. Obviously it's a tough choice, but ultimately I picked Dolly Parton, because although I initially picked Grace Kelly, who am I kidding! I don’t think I could pull off any of the Grace Kelly-type traits she’s known for, such as, repose, elegance, beauty, femininity, style, or, well, grace. So, I’ll have to go with Dolly Parton. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Dolly doesn’t have any of the same qualities as Grace Kelly, I’m sure she does. But, she can cover up anything she lacks with a banjo and sass. My favorite part about being Dolly Parton, would be gaining free access to her/my amusement park. Having been there, I can say there are A LOT of banjos and sass (and deep-fried goodies and wig shops and overalls and elderly folks).

3) My five favorite things right now are:

Angels

Bacon

Pompoms

Obscure references to Nicola Tesla

Suspenders

My five least favorite things right now are:

Mutton Chops (unless your Wolverine, natch)

Turning left

Obvious references to Nicola Tesla

Unhelpful people trying to be helpful, but making things worse, and then pretending like it wasn’t their fault, but you know that they know that it totally was

Weather


4) Here is a video of a young Irish girl playing the accordion the way I wish I could. I haven't made a video of me yet, because I’m not sure the world is ready for “When the Saints Come Marching In” dirge-style. It might make people chuck themselves off buildings in sadness/repulsion. As soon as I can pick up the tempo, I’ll video it. And then you can try not to be super jealous Hannah. In the meantime, watch the video and practice your jig in preparation of my upcoming performance. That's what I'm doing.


Thanks for these blog post suggestions, Hannah! If anyone else has some for me, leave a comment. I’m desperate for inspiration…


3 comments:

Hannah said...

First of all: VICTORY!!! I am so proud of myself! I mean you. US! I'm proud of us. You for writing a hilarious post, (Mark Paul Gosselaar! Feathered hair! Amazing.) and me for shamelessly ordering you to. I mean requesting.

Now, onto comments:

1) I had to look up "Nauru" and "pastafarian". This was a very worthwhile experience for me and I'm now looking into converting to the church of the flying spaghetti monster. If I do, do I have to change sides from ninjas to pirates?

2) Thank you for choosing Dolly. I'm not going to pretend like that question wasn't just a gateway to talk about my new obsession which of course is Dolly Parton. Jolene, Jolene, Jolene JO-LE-E-E-NE! I just, I just listen to that song way too many times a day. I regret nothing. Current favorite Dolly quote: "I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde." And did you know she's been married for 45 years? And is the legal guardian for the orphaned son of long time friends but not much is known about him because Dolly knows how to keep a kid out of the spotlight to protect his privacy and not draw attention to it MADONNA. And she has an amusement park! It is my goal in life to have a self titled theme park. Speaking of which: YOU HAVE BEEN THERE??? TELL ME EVERYTHING.

3) Angels

Bacon

Pompoms

Obscure references to Nicola Tesla

Suspenders

I would like to hear more about all of these. Nicola Tesla! You're so fascinating, Liz.

Also turning left is the worst. WORST.

4) I can't help but be jealous. I CAN'T STOP. That's it, I'm buying a hammer dulcimer. DON'T THINK I WON'T.

5) I'm sorry about all the caps. I've had a couple diet cokes this morning, and I'm avoiding filling out job applications, which I would like to redact my previous statement about left turns because actually applying for jobs is the thing that is the worst.

6) Post ideas: What are you currently reading? What's been keeping you busy lately? Time to throw another poetry slam? And skype me in?

7) Also, Amanda? Liz Long? I know you're reading this. I'M COMING FOR YOU NEXT.

Heath said...

I love you both for doing this! ...I have so many tabs open on my window right now, each one a word or phrase I need to learn more about. It's a good thing it's summer!

Amanda said...

This Hannah inspired post was genius! Genius, I say!! Please Hannah, hit me with the inspiration stick as I can't think of anything to blog about. I can't bring myself to blog about potty training and anything Nathan related so I don't post. Give me some ideas PUUUUULEASE!!
Love you Liz!! Miss you and can't wait for your accordian video! I'm waiting!