Friday Ventalation...

Q: Liz, what have you been doing the last few months?

A: Nothing.

Q: Liz, what are you going to be doing in the next 10 weeks?

A: 9 papers = 60 pages = 21,000 words

Reading 8 books on various forms of leadership and management (Yippy!)

Digesting and dissecting 37 scholarly articles

Preparing 2 half-hour oral presentations

Enduring 1 group project




Grad school is bad.
Liz very sad.
No fun to be had.

What’s Playing on Your Radio?

Having been requested to make a post, (even though I have absolutely nothing to say), I’ve decided to make a list of all the bands/singers I don’t like that everyone else on the planet does.

Now, before you read the list, a few disclaimers:

1) This list is not comprehensive. I dislike many more bands, but decided to just stick with 10 so I don’t completely alienate my friends.

2) There is probably at least ONE song from each that I DO like. I just can’t think of it right now.

3) I have no idea why I don’t like them. I just don’t. Maybe it’s me? Maybe it’s them? It’s a mystery.

4) This list is in no particular order. Just wrote it as they came to me.

5) Please still be my friend.

With that, here’s my list for “BANDS OR SINGERS THAT I DON’T LIKE AND WILL CHANGE THE RADIO STATION ON IF THEIR SONGS ARE PLAYED”

1. Matchbox 20

2. Dave Matthews Band

3. Maroon 5

4. John Mayer

5. Jason Mraz

6. Red Hot Chili Peppers

7. Jack Johnson

8. Pearl Jam

9.Bon Jovi

10. Lenny Kravitz

There you go!*

Now, if this doesn’t prove that I have nothing to talk about…






*Please still be my friend.

Liz? Are you there?

No, I'm not.



I'm feeling done with the whole blog thing. And Facebook*. And Myspace**. Etc.



I'm only having small thoughts, now. Enough for a Twitter*** post or two.



And even that's a stretch...

*I've never really participated in this.

**Or this.

*** And I have very particular thoughts on what should be a Twitter post. Is it funny? Weird? Witty? Insightful? Strange? Then post about it.

On My Walk Today…

Jehovah’s Witnesses!


Hurray! The best walk ever!!*




*And I mean this sincerely. If you know me, you know there is nothing I like better than a good Jesus discussion, especially when said discussion is from good people trying to save my soul**! I was only sad that I couldn’t chat with them more, but I was on a break and had to get back to work…


**This reminds me of a post I've been meaning to blog about: my TV pastor! Cause I have one, and I watch him every Sunday. And I've even ordered his book and am on his one month program! I've got a bracelet to prove it and everything!***


***Don't worry, I'm not converting. I'm just trying to understand how people believe what they believe (or don't believe, for that matter). This gives me something to think about when I'm in nursery...

Q: How Big is a Mini Fridge?

A: Not as big as Mary Poppins’ purse. (Despite what my co-workers think.)

____________

So, at my office we have a mini fridge. You know, to hold our lunch. Or maybe an afternoon snack.

But, some of my co-workers get confused by this, and think that it’s for their entire weekly groceries. I mean, why hassle making a sandwich to bring to work, if you can store everything needed to make a sandwich at the office?

This irritates me greatly.

All I want to do is place my DAILY lunch in the fridge, and I have to smash it in there because a co-worker bozo has decided to store an entire glazed ham.

Don’t believe me?

Here are just some of the things I’ve found in the fridge*, hogging up precious space:


1. A gallon of milk
2. 3 heads of lettuce
3. 12 pack of burritos
4. 8 apples
5. A week’s worth of frozen meals
6. A loaf of bread
7. A whole Rotisserie chicken
8. A watermelon
9. A gallon of orange juice
10. 5 lbs. of pasta salad




I tell you, if tomorrow comes, and I can't fit in my PB&J, I’m going to have a Nervy B.**!!!




*Not that I’m keeping track, or anything, out of bitterness…

**Nervous breakdown. Any Georgia fans out there?

How did your day start?

Here’s the 10 step process for mine, in case you want to repeat it (and forewarning, it includes a bad word, and I mean a real one, not like “d*mn” or “h*ll” which are mild four-letter words by comparison. But, I had to include it because it’s a direct quote.):


1. Hit snooze 7 times. (Yes, 7. I know, that’s ridiculous. I’m actually only supposed to hit it 5 times (still ridiculous) which leads to my problem this morning.)

2. Wake up and realize that I’m 20 minutes late because of extra snoozing. (Really, 18 minutes late. Which reminds me: Why is snooze only 9 minutes? Do they think we need a minute to realize what the beeping* is and shut it off?

3. Run around like a wacko trying to get ready.

4. Leave my apartment and drive away while forgetting a) my breakfast I had premade, b) my lunch I had premade, and c) my purse. (Got my keys, though!)

5. Rush to work in a panic (while still observing most of the traffic laws) because I’m late and have an 8am meeting. (I mean, really, who has an 8am meeting on a Friday? That should be against the code of work ethics or something.)

6. Park and get out of my car at 7:59am. (This is also when I realize that I’ve forgotten my purse.)

7. Walk briskly to my building.

8. Get pooped on by a bird, but not notice it.

9. Enter my office, see my boss give me a funny look, think it’s about being late, say “I know I’m late, you would not believe my morning.” And hear her response “Well, if it’s anything like the sh*t you have on your shirt, it must have been bad.”

10. Endure being laughed at by other meeting attendees while I explain why I have a wet spot on my shirt and apologize for being 15 minutes late.




*I actually don’t wake to beeping. I can’t stand that! I wake to the sound of ocean waves which I can hear despite wearing earplugs and having 3 fans on in my room**.

** Have I mentioned that I’m a light sleeper? Slumber parties were NOT my friend. (In fact, I still avoid them for this very reason.)

The Animal World is Conspiring Against Me!

On my walk yesterday…



Me: (Thinking to myself) “Man, that’s a HUGE dog in that yard!”

Taking a few more steps while having a flashback to the time when I was attacked by a dog*…

Me: “Wait. Did that dog just step on to the side walk? He’s not chained up?”

Taking a few more steps…

Me: “Uh-oh, he’s in the street, now. What do I do?”

Taking a few more cautious steps…

Me: “Okay, he’s on the other side of the street. Don’t panic! Just keep walking. Stay your course, Liz!”

Taking a few more steps…then stopping with dread…

Me: “Dang!! I think he sees me!!!! Do I run? Will that cause him to chase me? What would Cesar Millan do? No, no…I must remain dominant! Keep walking, Liz!”

Taking a few more HESITANT steps…

Me: “HOLY CRAP!! He’s running to me!!!!!!! He’s gone feral!!!!!!!!”

Stopping in panic as the Rottweiler JUMPS ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: (saying out loud while trying not to lose control of my bowels) “Ahg!!!!! Crap!!!! Get off!!!!”

Stepping back so dog falls off my chest…

Me: (Looking down at the muddy paws on my white shirt) “Really!”

Taking a few more steps forward to try to get AWAY from the dog…

Me: (saying out loud) “Stop licking my hands!”

Taking a few more steps while noticing that the dog is bleeding from his ear…

Me: (Thinking to myself) “Is there blood on my pants?”

Taking a few more steps, realizing the dog is FOLLOWING ME!

Me: “Great. Now what do I do? Clearly he’s injured. But, I have office responsibilities. I can’t hide him in my cubicle…”

Taking a few more steps with the dog by my side…

Me: “I’ll just ignore him. He’ll go away…”

WALKING AN ENTIRE BLOCK WITH THE DOG BY MY SIDE, LICKING MY HANDS…

Me: “Crap.”

Continuing to walk when I notice a mother (giving me the stink-eye) and two little kids…

Mother of Kids: (In a rude tone) “You should really keep your dog on a leash!!”

Me: (Not knowing how to respond without going into a diatribe) “I know.”

Walking ANOTHER block with the dog by my side, NOT licking my hands because I’m holding them up (and looking stupid)…

Me: (Thinking to myself) “How am I going to get rid of him?”

Taking a few more steps, and seeing a stick…

Me: “Maybe if I chuck this stick?” picking up stick and throwing…

RUNNING AROUND THE CORNER AS FAST AS MY CHUBBY LEGS CAN CARRY ME (WHILE THE DOG RUNS IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION)…

Me: (heart palpating from physical exertion and mental stress) “Please don’t let him follow me!”

Walking as fast as I can towards my office while looking over my shoulder for the dog…

Me: “Maybe he’s not coming! Yes! My stick throwing diversion worked!”

Still walking as fast I can towards my office while looking over my shoulder for the dog…

Me: “He was kind of a cute dog…maybe I could keep him? What would Flo*** say?”

Entering my office out of breath, covered in muddy paw prints, hair frizzled, and sorta wishing I had a dog…

Me: “I think I’d name him Stanley.”




*I was five, and coming home from kindergarten when I was pinned in the middle of the street by a huge** vicious dog. A neighbor lady witnessed the attack, came to rescue me, and took me to my mom.
**Okay, it was a dachshund. But, HUGE to a scared five-year-old girl!
***My little old lady apartment manager.