Back with a Bang (or, really, just a long post, not a bang, because "bang" makes you think of something exciting, and this isn't)

So, in case the four of you who read my blog haven’t noticed, I’ve been on a blog break.

And it’s been mutual. I’ve been sick of my blog and my blog has been sick of me. But, because I’ve received a few (okay, one (thanks, Rachel)) request(s), I’ve come out of my self-imposed moratorium and have decided to post again.

I thought I would catch you all up on what this last month at work has been like—you know, since I’ve been training my job replacement.

To give you a sense of what I’ve been enduring, I’m going to reproduce (to the best of my ability (and with some creative license (but not much))) a little bit of a training session I had yesterday.

And I’m going to do it in the form of a one act, one scene play.


“LET ME SAY IT AGAIN: IN ONE-ACT”


CAST

LIZ: mild-mannered, kind, intelligent, and down-to-earth woman in her early 30’s who is hoping to hit it big as a poet, but realizes that that is a pipe-dream because no one hits it big as a poet, even people with talent, so she has resigned herself to her job, and is just hoping that her new trainee will make it through the rest of the year.

TRAINEE: she’s a nice woman in her early to mid 40’s who needed a job, any job, so that she could have insurance, and a 401k plan. She’s in her 40’s, after all, and needs to plan for retirement.


ACT 1: SCENE 1

In a brightly lit room are two desks, across from each other in opposite corners, one by a door, and the other by the room’s only window. The room is sparsely decorated, with big filing cabinets against every wall, like a mausoleum of paper. At the desk by the window, sits LIZ. She’s looking out at the view of trees and grass with a look of longing in her eyes.

LIZ (in a depressed whisper): Oh foliage, how I’ve missed you…

In walks TRAINEE. LIZ gets up from her old desk with a sigh, and TRAINEE sits down. LIZ pulls up a chair and both women turn towards the computer.

LIZ: Okay, this morning we’re going to download a few things to your desktop to be used as a reference while you verify files.

TRAINEE: Sounds good.

LIZ: First let’s go the website to download the files.

TRAINEE: Okay, how do I do that?

LIZ: Open up “Internet Explorer” and go the website I placed in your favorites.

TRAINEE attempts to do that by clicking on the “Word” icon, and not the “Explorer” icon. Soon, 7 word documents appear on the computer. LIZ gets frustrated with each incorrect click of the mouse.

LIZ (In a sweet tone): No, you click right here, on the “e” for “Explorer.” “W” stands for “Word.”

TRAINEE: Oh, yah.

After a few minutes, and additional assistance from LIZ, TRAINEE gets to the right website.

LIZ: Okay. So now I need you to click on the sentence that says “Handbook: Volumes 1-6.”

TRAINEE: Where?

LIZ (a little impatiently): Right here, (pointing with her finger), the only sentence highlighted in blue that says “Handbook: Volumes 1-6.”

TRAINEE clicks on it. Nothing happens.

LIZ: Double click. Remember how I said that sometimes you have to double click on things? (Said nicely to make up for her initial irritated tone.)

TRAINEE: Oh, yah.

LIZ: Okay. Now, you see the list of all the volumes? We are going to have to download each one, and place it on your desktop. So, click on the first one… Good… And select “Master” because that will include everything for that volume…Good…Now let’s save that to your desktop.

TRAINEE: How do I do that?

LIZ: Click on File, Save as, then select Desktop.

TRAINEE: Okay.

A few seconds go by as TRAINEE sits there, not doing anything.

LIZ: Go here…then here… then select “desktop.” Good. Now, go on to volume 2.

TRAINEE clicks on volume 2.

TRAINEE: Which option do I choose?

LIZ (In a slightly annoyed tone): “Master.” You want the master for each volume.

TRAINEE: And where do I save it to?

LIZ: Your desktop. You’re going to want to save each volume to your desktop. Remember I just said that?

TRAINEE: Oh, yah. Okay.

TRAINEE goes through the process and saves volume 2 to her desktop. And then stops.

TRAINEE: Now what?

LIZ: Go on to the third volume. Remember, we have to do all 6 volumes.

TRAINEE: Okay. (She clicks on vol. 3 and pauses.) I need the Master version, right?

LIZ: Yes.

TRANIEE: And now I save it to my desktop, right?

LIZ: Yes.

TRAINEE proceeds to download vol. 3.

TRAINEE: Okay. Now, do I load vol. 4?

LIZ: YES! (Said gruffly.) We have to load all the volumes. (Said nicely to soften the early gruffness.)

TRAINEE: And I need to load the Master one?

LIZ: YES!! YOU NEED TO LOAD EVERY MASTER COPY!! (Said sharply and with definite irritation.)

TRAINEE: Okay. (She clicks on vol. 4). And I load it on…

LIZ: Your desktop! You load it all on your desktop.

TRAINEE: Okay. (She loads it.)

LIZ: Now, on to 5.

TRAINEE: Okay…

LIZ (Interrupting): Master

TRAINEE: Okay…

LIZ (Interrupting): Desktop. Now go on to 6.

TRAINEE: O…

LIZ (Interrupting): Master

TRAINEE: I…

LIZ (Interrupting): Desktop.

LIZ looks longingly out her former window, remembering a simpler time…

END SCENE


So there you have it. I think I’m going to have to up my loving-kindness meditation, because the half hour is not making me feel loving or kind anymore…


Please pray for me to develop more patience.