Friday, January 25, 2008

Friday Fluff

Well, I posted 4 times this week. Yay! I'm prolific! I can't make any promises for next week, but I'm going to try.

With that being said, on to some fluff...

A Gaggle of Mini Open Letters (Don't you just love the word "gaggle?")


Dear People of So. Cal.,

Yes. It’s raining. Actually, it’s only sprinkling. There is no need to be driving the speed of a horse-drawn carriage. So, get a grip!

Yours truly,
Liz


Dear Rain,

I love you, but you’re making people turn into idiots. Please send them a memo to knock it off.

Sincerely,
Liz


Dear PB&J,

How do I love thee for breakfast? But, sadly, you’re not on my healthy eating plan list. So I shouldn’t have eaten you this morning. Why did you tempt me so?

Please stop being delicious!

Your fan,
Liz


Dear Shirt,

You’re holding on to that jam stain really well. Way to go! Nothing like facing the next 8 hours with people staring at you, huh? I mean, I knew you were an attention hog, but seriously, did you have to resort to this?

Disgruntledly yours,
Liz


Dear Hair,

You are now my Enemy #1! Must you soak up every drop of moisture in the atmosphere like a sea sponge? Be on the look out for scissors, because some of you are not going to make it today.

This is a warning to get your act together!

Sternly yours,
Liz


Dear New Car Air Freshener,

You are FAR too powerful. I almost charred my nostril hairs breathing you in. I even had to crack my window to let in fresh air (and rain, by the way) just to make it to work without passing out or developing a lung condition.

I’m going to have to let you go if you don’t tone it down a notch.

Cordially,
Liz


Dear Work Computer,

I hate you. You’re stupid.

Bitterly yours,
Liz


Dear Office Mate,

If you don’t stop slurring on that sucker, I’m going to cram it down your throat.

Your friend,
Liz


Dear Bank Account,

Please grow faster. I need more.

Thanks in advance,
Liz


Dear Sylvester Stallone,

You are too old to be doing sequels to your past hit movies. Really too old. It’s kind of embarrassing, in case you don’t know.

I suggest you take a nap, and just let it go.

Cheers,
Liz


Dear Reuters News Team,

You can’t have an article entitled “Farmer hides castle from building inspectors” and then not show a picture of the castle. That’s just cruel, and dumb!

Yes, you're dumb.

FYI,
Liz

6 comments:

Laura said...

I completely agree about the castle thing! I saw that story this morning and thought it sounded fascinating. I couldn't wait to see it. Then...click...read the story, and NO PICTURE!

Empress of Venus said...

I think the charred nostrils was my favorite part. I laughed a little too loud and several heads turned my way lol. I think I mumbled something about charred nostrils in reply and then they left.

Katie said...

Thanks for bringing laughter to an otherwise pretty drab day!

Amanda said...

Okay, I have to agree with you on the Sylvestor Stallone thing. I saw a preview for Rambo the other night and thought the exact same thing. He needs to just admit that he is old and needs to play old roles or just go quietly into retirment and buy a house in Florida and some slip on shoes and really loud shirts. It would be more dignified than his reprisals of old roles. Good letter Liz. I hope he's reading.

themayerfamily said...

Liz, I agree with you and Amanda. When I saw the billboard, I asked Serge if they were going to do them as re-runs. I was wrong. You are hillarious Liz.

Nicole Bullock said...

Dear Liz,
I think I need to get on the open letter-writing bandwagon. Just reading your blog made me want to get out the PB&J. Love, Nicole