Friday Fluff*

So, I’ve been sick for three days (which is why I haven't really blogged).

This has caused me to miss two days of work.

And this has caused me to be miserably behind on everything.

And what am I thinking about?

How to catch up?

Nope.

I’m wondering if somewhere in this crazy world there's a mullet man for me, whom I can take my picture with in a wine glass and send it to all of my friends.

Fingers crossed.











*By the way, I've decided to make "Friday Fluff" a recurring character on my blog so as to lift our spirits in preparation for the weekend.

It's Official!

Well, as I alluded a few posts go, I have a new calling. And as of yesterday, it's official.

I'm now the 2nd counselor in the Young Women's presidency in my ward. And as you know, this means I'm in charge of the Beehives*. Yes, I will now be enmeshed into their giggling, awkward world.

I have to admit, I have mixed emotions about this as I've had this calling before, so I know what it entails. It's a lot more work than being a Primary teacher, that's for sure.

Oh, and what's the first activity I have to help/attend this Saturday?

A beach trip.

I almost slit my throat with a hymnal when I was told.

It's not that I don't love the beach, I do. And it's not that I don't want to get to know the girls, I do. It's just that any church beach activity I have ever attended or supervised (except one) has gone terribly wrong and/or been a disaster.

And for that reason, anytime any ward has had a beach anything, I have avoided it like the plague (except in cases like this one, when I can't get out of it without being a schmuck.)

For me, Church + Beach = crappy time.

So, I'm contemplating fasting some day this week in order to steal myself against the upcoming event.

"But, Liz," you say, "you might have a great time."

"Yes," I reply dismally,"and I also might find a golden ticket in my Mr. Goodbar."

I'm not holding my breath... (but I will try to be positive).

Oh, the joys of serving in the church!



*Um, and this means that all of you, my wonderful friends, might be asked to help me so I don't lose my mind.

Friday Fluff

Get ready to be scarred for life, and to feel slightly nauseated for the rest of the day.



If you think you can handle that, click on the link.



But, don't say I didn't warn you.



The Hoff

A Morning of Mini Open Letters

Dear Carpool Mandate from the University,

I hate you!

A pox upon you and yours,
Liz



Dear Rain,

Keep up the good work. Let’s stick it to global warming.

Sincerely,
Liz



Dear Semi-New Car,

How do your windshield wipers work? It’s raining.

P.S. Don’t break again.

Truly yours,
Liz



Dear Fancy Dressed Lady Going in to IHOP,

You have intrigued me. What’s your story?

Do you have a fancy dressed ball to go to after you have your pancakes? Or, did you think “I never get to wear this dress. To Ihop it is!”? Or are you a crazy homeless person like the tuxedo guy who sat next to me on the bus that one time?

You are an enigma.

With awe,
Liz



Dear People with Vanity Plates,

Thank you.

Your plates give me a personal moniker with which to yell at you with for driving stupidly.

Earnestly yours,
Liz



Dear Pant’s Zipper,

Don’t be broken. I still have 8 hours to go at work and I don’t know how to fix you. Besides, you are in my only pair of perfectly colored brown pants. Do you know how long it took me to find you guys?

Please fix yourself.

Thank you,
Liz



Dear Lips,

Why didn’t you remind me that I only had time to line you before I left my apartment? We’re a team, Lips! There is no “I” in face.

When one of us is embarrassed, all of us are! I spoke to three co-workers before one of them said anything.

You really let me down.

Sadly,
Liz


Dear Hair,

Yes, I know it’s raining. And yes, I know that makes you frizz up into a huge puff ball. But, I’ve put A LOT of product in you to try to combat this, and I’m holding you back with a headband.

So, please, try to behave. Let’s not have a Mr. Kotter day again.

With heartfelt thanks,
Liz


Dear Computer,

What did you do with my desktop icons? Are you playing a game of hide and seek that I am unaware of?

Look, I know we haven’t been on the best of terms lately. But, I’ve been trying. Really, I have. I even made your password “Love” to instill fellowship-ness.

You are now forcing me to call the I.T. department. And you know that always lowers my self-esteem.

Please hold up your end of the deal.

Gratefully,
Liz


Addendum:

Dear First Floor Unisex Bathroom,

Who is in charge of making sure you have toilet paper? That person has failed and should be dismissed.

Also, who designed you? Your paper towel dispenser is incredibly far away from the toilet, so if one was to have a toilet paper emergency, it is not conveniently located as a back-up.

Thank you for your time.

Disgruntledly yours,
Liz

Crazy Folks

Why?

I can understand limiting your impact on the planet. Fine. But no toilet paper?

That stuff disintegrates while you're using it!

So, how bad can it be for the environment?



Oh, and avast, me hearties, it's talk like a pirate day!

Earth life

Street children play on the roadside in the northern Indian city of Allahabad.

Sometimes I see pictures that haunt me and put everything in perspective.


This is one of them...

Nothing?

Yup, I've got nothing.

Please stand-by...

Can you say STRESSED?

I'm having a bad week.

I'm stressed at work.

I'm stressed about my life/career choice.

I'm stressed about an upcoming church calling that I cannot disclose at this time.

I'm stressed all over the place.

So much so, that I can't form words for anything witty, funny, or mildly amusing in a blog post (even though I have some stories to tell), nor can I think about anything deeply enough to pontificate.

I'm pretty much in funk city right now (and not the good kind of funk, but the bad kind.)

Do you Get the joke?

Don't you just love how we can make fun of ourselves?

Yup, me too!

Let's just be grateful that this is a joke. Because, as you all know, we Mormons do know how to merchandise to our fellow saints!



Shot glass, anyone...

Conversations

I know, I’ve posted a lot recently about my office mate. But I have too! I can’t keep suffering in silence.*

Conversation with my office mate this morning…

Her: Thanks for telling me how your interview went. Now when I have mine, I’ll be prepared. I can’t come up with things on the spare of the moment.

Me: You mean spur, spur of the moment.

Her: What? It isn’t spare?

Me: Nope, it’s spur, as in “with haste.” (Seeing her confusion), in other words, spur as “in a hurry.”

Her: Oh. Man, I get so fustrated when I say something wrong.

Me: You mean, frustrated.

Her: That’s what I said, fustrated.

Me: No, frrrru, frustrated.

Her: Oh.


* If it makes you feel better, yesterday I sacrificed my entire lunch hour (which I had been saving for a great new book I’m reading) to talk with her about the gospel. See! I’m not totally snarky!

Addendum: You see now how not good I am! Here I've been, thinking and praying about my lack of pure goodness for days, and the first thing that came to my mind after I had this conversation was "I can't wait to post this on my blog!" Would Corrie Ten Boom do this? No! Would Jesus? No! Would Liz? Yes, in a heartbeat. This is my problem.

Good or Good for Nothing?

So, over the weekend I read The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom.

When I was finished, I was struck, once again, by the goodness in the Ten Boom family. Such true Christ-like goodness that, at times, I was brought to tears by its sheer beauty. And I’ve been pondering on this goodness these last few days. (What Liz? You? Pondering? I know, shocker, huh?)

What made Corrie, Betsie, and their family so good?
What made them so good to others?

The obvious answer is, of course, their belief in Christ. But, the more I’ve been thinking about it, the more I feel that there’s something more.

After all, I believe in Christ, too. But currently, I’m not able to live so selflessly in my everyday life as they did in theirs (and under such extreme circumstances, no less). And as I was thinking about the “why” of this, I realized that the Ten Booms had absorbed some part of the Savior and his teachings that I haven’t. They saw the world, its people, and our purpose here more accurately than I do.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I know I’m not a horrible person. I’m kind and courteous. I’m respectful and honest. I’m helpful and yada yada yada. But, something is missing. I’m good, but not Good.

What makes their goodness different from mine?

I have the fullness of the gospel, after all. I know where we came from, why we’re here, and where we’re going. But, I’m still so far off the mark! What the Ten Boom's knew, they lived. What I know, I take for granted, or ignore, or forget, or say "tomorrow I will," etc.

This is why I’m so grateful for people like the Ten Booms. They show us how to live the principles and not just believe in them.

And this is what I’m still working on.

An annoyance put to music...

Warm up your voices and sing with me...

(Sung to the tune of the Mickey Mouse Club song.)

Who’s the loudest cruncher,
Open mouth for all to see.

O-F-F-I-C-E M-A-T-E (E)*

She doesn’t close her mouth, no,
She’s as loud as loud can be.
O-F-F-I-C-E M-A-T-E (E)

Office Mate!
Office Mate!

Forever with her mouth so open
Wide! Wide! Wide! Wide!

Come along and sing this song,

And shoot me in the knee!
O-F-F-I-C-E M-A-T-E (E) **




*I had to put this extra E in to make it flow. It was bothering me.

** Sorry to gripe. It's just been a bad day of non-stop crunching.