Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Open Letter of High Importance

Dear Men Who Use the First Floor Unisex Bathroom,


What are you guys doing in there? I mean, really. What in the world? I don’t know if you’ve heard the “born in a barn” expression before, but seriously, were you born in a barn and left with a mama pig? (Apologies to anyone actually born in a barn. I bet that’s a cool story. Do tell.)

Every time one of you guys leaves the bathroom, it’s like a stampede of cattle stormed through the place whose only mission was to find every piece of hygienic paper, shred it, and throw it on the ground.

You are grown men right? I mean, you have jobs, I know that much. And you seem to be competent in them. But your bathroom etiquette makes me wonder. Is it because you’re inherently lazy and assume someone is going to pick up after you? I bet that’s it, right? Yeah, that’s it.

What’s wrong with you?! Pick up after yourselves! Or, better yet, put things directly in the trash can. Stop trying to make a basket. You have to miss 9 out of 10 anyway. Face it, you stink at making baskets.

Speaking of stink…for the love of humanity (and everyone who has an office near the bathroom), get some help.

Gratefully (if you take my advice) or Disgruntledly (if you don’t),



Laura said...

I definitely think the quest to make a basket has a lot to do with the pile of trash around the trash can. Do they find it humiliating to have missed and then pick it up?

Oh...and can I tell you how much I love Sweet Land of Liberty as an expression? That and Knights of Columbus are both SO good!

Amanda said...

LOL!! I really enjoyed this. One of the few perks of working in a job where there are very few men-clean bathrooms.

Ms. Liz said...

Unisex bathrooms are just a cheap facilities committee way paying for the beer at the Christmas party under the guise of progressivism. So lame. Maybe you should put copy of a Scout's Guide to Cleanliness and Propriety in there for them.