Friday, November 9, 2007

Friday Fluff Part II

Now, I'm doing this to inspire all you writers, and future writers out there.

You think you can't write? You think all your stuff is trite and crap? You think you'd rather gouge out your eyes than read another stupid, horribly written story?

Well, you're not alone! Behold! For your inspiration (and condolences) I'm showing you the first 4 paragraphes of my totally unedited masterpiece which I have titled "Crap-terpiece".

Be prepared to have your bowels filled with mercy towards me (and my hopeless abilities) as you read...

When you have a first name like Abbott, old people think you're funny and young people think you’re weird. A normal person would realize this before cursing their child, a daughter no less, with such a name. But, I don’t come from normal people.

Hi, my name is Abbott Brinley, but I go by Abby, and I’m glad to make your acquaintance. I suppose I should be grateful that my last name isn’t Costello, right? Yes, that would be much worse. Oh, if you talk to my parents, they’ll tell you to call me Bott. But don’t. I mean it. Growing up with a name like Abbott really does something to your world view. Trust me on that. Although growing up in my family certainly didn’t help matters. It’s sort of the chicken and egg scenario, if you know what I mean.

Before you ask, yes, my parents were fans of Abbott and Costello. And no, I don’t know the “Who’s on First” routine. Really, I don’t. I’ve made it a point to not know it. Some would say that this is a terrible loss because that routine is such a classic. And that any well-informed person of American comedy duos should know about such things. But to those people I say, so what? You don’t know what it was like being 9 or 13 or 17 or 30 with a name like Abbott.

I don’t want you to think that my name ruined my life, because that is not the case. I blame my ruined life squarely on the shoulders of my parents. I don’t want to sound cliché, but it’s all their fault. Now, of course, they don’t see it that way. In their minds, I was given lots of love, freedom, and “me” time. But I suppose before I start telling you about my current situation, and how I’m trying to get out of it, I should first tell you about my parents, Max and Sabine, and how they saw the world when I was growing up, and how that viewpoint has determined my life. And their story can’t be told without mentioning the place where it all started, and ended: Otterville, Ohio. This small town, with all it's quirky people, only made things worse for me and my future.

I'm know, I'm sorry I'm literate too...

(Normally I'd ask you to comment, you know, so I feel liked and all. But, in this case, please don't comment. I already feel bad enough...)


Andrea said...

Of course I'm going to comment! I think its great! I'd love to read more!!!

Laura said...

I agree with Andrea. If you think this is crap, wait 'til you see mine. Not that I'm going to actually let you see it. Seeing how good this is seriously makes me feel like not finishing.

Liz said...

I think you are both reading my stuff with friendship-colored glasses (and I love you for that).

But, really, it's bad. Run-on sentences, choppy transitions, etc.

And that's okay. I've accepted that no one can put out a masterpiece in a month. The point is to just get the ideas out there.

I haven't really read back through all the drivel called my novel, but I can bet that I have a few lines I'll keep, a few characters that I'll let hang around, and a few twists in the plot that will remain.

A lot of it though, will go away. And I'm alright with that. This whole thing has taught me a valuable lesson in self-discipline. And it has also taught me that I like writing--crap and all.

It's making me lean more towards an MFA in Creative Writing than I thought it would.


I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heather said...

Totally cute. I'd like to hear more from Abbott. Amazing that in just 4 paragraphs you've already pulled me into her character.

Maggie said...

I really want to know more about Abbott and Otterville. If it were crap, I wouldn't care. Keep going with it!

Ms. Liz said...

Liz - this is really good stuff. One writer to another. I'll send you my first chapter if you wanna swap. I'd love feedback. But seriously - I've read drivle and this is not it. Keep going. :D